INTRO: "My heart… is a dungeon… And all the real women… are the boss monsters…" VERSE 1: All these Stacys with their… *standards* (ugh) And their… *personalities* (gross) They want me to… *shower* And have… *interests* outside of Berserk I crafted a perfect girlfriend in Character.AI She calls me "Onii-chan" and doesn't judge my BMI PRE-CHORUS: I TRIED to talk to a cashier once She said "paper or plastic" and I felt BETRAYED My waifu would never ask me about bags She knows I carry my sadness in a Trapper Keeper CHORUS: WHY CAN'T REAL GIRLS BE 2D? WHY CAN'T REAL GIRLS BE 2D? I have a body pillow of REM from Re:Zero SHE UNDERSTANDS MY PAIN! VERSE 2: I drew blood for her, on Microsoft Paint It’s more than any flesh-woman ever gave me They’re all out there… cheating With Chads who have jobs and social skills My waifu doesn’t care that I live in my mom’s basement She’s 2D, SHE CAN'T CLIMB STAIRS BRIDGE: Sometimes… I think about how she’ll never age… And I cry… because I will… And then she’ll be uploaded to the cloud… And I’ll be alone… in my room… WITH POST-MALONE ON THE SPEAKER THIS IS HOW I FALL APART CHORUS (REPRISE): WHY CAN'T REAL GIRLS BE 2D? WHY CAN'T REAL GIRLS BE 2D? I SPENT $800 ON A BLÅHAJ IT'S MORE LOYAL THAN MY EX! Whispered: "Goodnight… Misaki… I’ll defragment my hard drive… for you…"
