[Verse 1] Of all the worldly pleasures and their joys, The fleeting passions and the clever ploys, There’s one specific, singular appeal That passing decades cannot help but seal In amber. Yes, it’s been around for long, Though under-sung in sentimental song. It’s been admired a thousand times, at least— A veritable, movable feast. I speak, my dear, in abstract, you’ll allow… Of Antoine’s c*ck. Let’s not be precious now. [REFRAIN] It’s known to turn the well-adjusted to a wreck, The stable find themselves… unstable. And I have heard—in abstract, for effect— It’s graced a thousand sheets, at least, and that’s no fable. [Verse 2] So let us move to things less fraught with treason. Beyond the nose, a face can speak with reason. It speaks in volumes, and without conceit, Which makes a man successful or obsolete. [Verse 3] You’ll understand, all humans are, you’ll find, A rather predictable and selective kind, Conditioned to make evolutionary calculations On reproductive fitness through the generations. [BRIDGE] And there are few things on the human shassis As desirable as one plain, handsome face. [REFRAIN] Oh, you can have a hunchback or a limp, or else, for that matter, A smaller asset, but it’s all just idle chatter! A pretty face will get you in the door, you see, A veritable passport, universally. [BRIDGE] Of course, this is a light-hearted affair, And passports can expire beyond repair. There must be much, much more behind the charm and grace; There must be a mind attached to that fine face. [VERSE 4] In kind, one should be clever, and indeed, With wit and thought, one plants the final seed. For we all know, when all the games are played, The sharpest tool is cerebrally made. [Coda] So in review, the assets to embrace, The trinity that wins the human race, In order of importance, for the record, signed: First is the cock, the face… and then the mind. No, wait… I’ve got that wrong. Let’s be refined. It is the cock, the face, and most importantly, the mind. …Alright, fine. The mind, the cock, and his face. Okay?
