Brain Bleach

I walked into the world today, big mistake, Heard a grown adult ask if birds are just small snakes, Watched someone microwave aluminum foil, And swear the smoke meant the microwave needed more oil. My brain said, “Buddy, we need a cleanse, A reset button, maybe stronger friends…” But instead of doing anything deranged, I grabbed my trusty bottle labeled “Sanity Spray!” I need emotional bleach — metaphorically, please, To scrub my mind from all these public catastrophes. Just a mental disinfectant, non-toxic, lemon-fresh, ‘Cause stupidity keeps dragging me down with every breath. Ohhh, emotional bleach — figurative and sweet, ‘Cause it’s rough surviving people who forget how brains are used to think! Heard a guy say gravity’s “just a government scheme,” And another said Wi-Fi controls your self-esteem. Someone argued that Australia isn’t real, While asking me how magnets feel. My spirit wilted like a house plant in July, My last working brain cell packed its bags to say goodbye. But I won’t drink anything that cleans kitchen sinks — Nope, I’ll blast dumb thoughts away with Common-Sense Drink™! I need emotional bleach — the symbolic variety, To wash away the pain of public-school society. When idiocy is swirling like a hurricane of dumb, I take a sip of “Logic Juice” and wait for clarity to come. Ohhh, emotional bleach — imaginary relief, ‘Cause coping with the masses is a full-time job, good grief! Pour me a glass of “Sanity Soda,” Shake up a bottle of “Brain Rinse Cola,” Give me that “Idiot-Repellent Tea,” Caffeinated, so I can flee! Emotional bleach — won’t melt my esophagus, But it will help erase the trauma caused by obvious… Things like people who argue that the moon is made of cheese, Or ask if fish get thirsty when they’re swimming in the seas. Ohhh, emotional bleach — the safe and legal kind, To keep me from losing every last bit of my mind! So cheers to staying sane in a world off its leash… And raising a glass of emotional bleach.