Citizens.... Barbarians.... Heathens. It is cold outside. We require insulation. We require... Macaroni Cheese. Do not reach for the blue box. Do not reach for the packet. That is powdered sadness. We build this... with the Roux. Equal parts butter... and flour. Melt the butter. Stir in the flour. Cook it. Smell it? It should smell like biscuits. If you rush this... your sauce will taste like wallpaper paste. Now... The Milk. Pour it slowly. Whisk... Whisk like you are fighting for your life. Smooth... Glossy... Thick... The White Sauce... The Béchamel. Now... The Weaponry... The Cheese... Mature Cheddar... The sharpest you can find. Grate a mountain of it. But that is not enough. The Secret: English Mustard. A teaspoon of the yellow fire. And... a pinch of Cayenne Pepper. We do not want heat... We want... warmth... We want it to wake you up... Stir it into the white sauce until it vanishes... Now you have... The Mornay... ... Taste it... It should punch you in the nose... gently... The Pasta. Macaroni Elbows of Durum Wheat... Make your own, if you can. Boil them, but listen closely. Undercook them, for now... They must be firm... They will finish cooking in the oven. If you boil them to mush now... you will serve slime later. Drain them... then drown them in the cheese sauce... Coat every tube... and pour this into the oven dish. And the Top? More cheese... MORE... cheese... I said, more! Perhaps... some breadcrumbs mixed with Parmesan? For the crunch, we do want a texture... like gravel made of gold. The Bake. High heat... watch it bubble... It must be brown... It must be crispy... But do not burn it. The edges should be dark. If you burn it, you have failed. Pull it out... now... then hardest part... We wait. If you eat this now... you will lose the roof of your mouth... It is... Molten... Lava. Give it five minutes. Let it set.... Let it become a brick.... The... brick. Serve it in a bowl. Eat it with a spoon. Feel the insulation. You are safe now. Carry on.
