Intro (Club bass through a wall. Bathroom door opens.) "How long's the queue?" "No one's really sure." --- Verse 1 There were twelve people Waiting for one cubicle. Nobody looked upset. It felt... Traditional. The girl in front of me Was explaining ketamine Using the salt and pepper shakers From the kebab shop next door. It was surprisingly educational. --- Pre-Chorus Somebody said, "I'll only be a minute." The whole queue laughed. --- Chorus Bathroom line philosophy. Everybody's got a theory. Everybody's got a lighter. Nobody's got any clarity. Bathroom line philosophy. Conversations through the door. I've learned more standing here Than I ever did At university. --- Verse 2 A bloke in a bucket hat Asked if anyone Had seen his girlfriend. Someone replied, "Which one?" Nobody thought That was rude. A girl offered me MDMA. Another offered me eyeliner. I accepted The eyeliner. I already had Enough confidence. --- Instrumental Break (Four-on-the-floor beat. Synth bass pumps. Guitars stab on the off-beat. Gang vocals: "Next! Next! Next!") --- Verse 3 The mirror had fingerprints Older than civilization. Someone was giving relationship advice To a hand dryer. A girl walked out laughing With glitter in her hair. She looked at me and said, "Don't trust anyone With clean shoes." Then disappeared Before I could ask What she'd seen. --- Bridge The queue moved Exactly one person In twelve minutes. Nobody complained. We were all Too invested. --- Final Chorus Bathroom line philosophy. The DJ's playing our song. We've missed The first two choruses. Probably for the best. Bathroom line philosophy. Nobody came here To use the bathroom. We're just waiting For someone To tell us The night's still young. --- Outro (The bathroom door swings open. The club explodes back into full volume.) "You're next." ... "I've forgotten Why I was here."
