[Intro: piano trio at full swing] Name tag on crooked and a bell by the bar Eight minutes a table, so I talk like a race car [Verse 1] Table one is Brenda, she's a lawyer, sharp blazer Cross-examined my shoes and then she asked about my wages Table two's a dentist, and she counted all my teeth Said I run my mouth so fast she couldn't get a drill beneath Table three's a trainer and she wants a man who runs I said, ma'am, I run my mouth, and every night's a marathon Table four's a poet, said I rhyme like a cheat I said, ma'am, it's a sonnet, I just play it at speed Table five's a banker and she asked my credit score I said good, she said that's what they all say before Five tables, five bells, and I'm zero for five Host walks by with a look like, sir, are you alive [Hook] Speed date, speed date, ring the bell I talk fast 'cause I got a lot to tell Speed date, speed date, change the chair Eight minutes on the clock, and then I'm not there [Verse 2] Table six is Rosa, and she doesn't even blink Court stenographer, she types faster than I think Two hundred twenty words a minute, and she's bored Finally, a woman who can keep me on the record She read me back my whole first verse word for word Brenda and the dentist and the jokes that I slurred Said, you talk like a man who's afraid of the quiet I said, ma'am, I got eight minutes, but go on and try it She said, give me one sentence, no tricks and no flair So I gave her five words, slow: I would like to stay here Then she slid me a napkin, and it said one line Thursday, eight o'clock, and don't be early this time [Hook] Speed date, speed date, ring the bell I talk fast 'cause I got a lot to tell Speed date, speed date, change the chair Eight minutes on the clock, and then I'm not there [Trading Fours: four bars of rap, then the piano trio answers for four bars] Bell rings, everybody up, it's a scrape of chairs Seven grown men moving left like a line at the fair [Piano answers for four bars] Host walks up with a clipboard and a frown I said, ma'am, put me down as sitting down [Piano answers for four bars] [Verse 3] Bell rang twice and I'm still in the chair Brenda at seven with the lawyer stare Rules say rotate, but the rules never met her Rules never heard her fingers keep up with every letter Tick box on the card, and I ticked it so hard Pen went through the paper and it scratched up the bar Eight minutes turned to ninety, and the host killed the lights Stacked the chairs around us, said, okay, you two, goodnight I talk fast 'cause the clock's always reaching for my throat With her I talk slow, and she still takes notes [Final Hook] Speed date, speed date, ring the bell I talked fast 'cause I had a lot to tell Speed date, speed date, change the chair Bell rang twice, and I'm still sitting there Speed date to a set date, Thursday at eight Talk fast, love slow, and for once I'll be late [Outro: one last piano run, ride cymbal choked] [End]
