[Verse 1] She's here, she's here, she's here, she's here She's here, she's here, she's here, she's here My mother-in-law is here I'm not ready to be criticized, I'm not ready to be scrutinized Too late, my mother-in-law is here I fear I won't survive this dear, her disapproval is crystal clear My mother-in-law is here Quick, line up kids and stand up straight, tuck in your shirts and wipe your face My mother-in-law is here [Verse 2] I never know how long the visit's gonna last But it is always long enough to wear out the welcome mat And if the backhanded way she serves up compliments each day Was an Olympic level game, she'd take a medal home for that She's here, she's here, she's here, she's here, she's here, she's here, she's here, she's here My mother-in-law is here [Verse 3] I can't escape the microscope through which she gazes at every detail of my marriage and of my children and how I raise them She insists on throwing stones inside the glass house she created Is it too late now to tell her we're not home, we're on vacation? Oh, just open the door, don't make her wait, even though she's early and I'm running late My mother-in-law is here I added liquor to this coffee cup so I can take the punches, I can stiffen up My mother-in-law is here She's here, she's here, she's here, she's here, she's here, she's here, she's here, she's here My mother-in-law is here [Outro] (Hi, mom)
