[DRACULA: ] Wolfgang.! [WOLFY:] ...Yeah? [DRACULA:] Why is there a brown stripe across my 14th century Persian rug? [WOLFY:] Hold up Drac......now Before you get mad— [ DRACULA: ] BRO!!!! IT GOES THROUGH THREE ROOMS. [Verse 1 ] I’ve lived six hundred years Seen kingdoms disappear Had villagers with pitchforks Trying to stab me in the rear I survived Van Helsing Garlic, crosses, daylight Now apparently my downfall Is This damn mutt's apatite You scooted down the hallway Then you made a hard right There’s a skid mark on the duvet [ WOLFY: ] Drac MY ASS IS BURNIN’ Up! RIGHT? [ DRACULA: ] I TOLD YOU USE THE OINTMENT! [Chorus] It’s a WORM MOON! Wolfy draggin’ ass across the whole room Howlin’ like the world is gonna end real soon [WOLFY:] It's ON FIRE! [DRACULA:] GET OFF MY RUG! Full moon! Bad decisions comin’ home too soon One rancid zombie and your whole life’s now doomed [WOLFY:] But she was OMG HOT ! [DRACULA: ] SHE WAS MISSING HER LOWER JAW and bloated! [WOLFY:] Well Nobody’s perfect. [Verse 2 ] Let’s discuss your girlfriend Since apparently we must Her left eye faced Milwaukee And the other leaked out pus She smelled like wet lasagna Left behind a dive-bar wall Half her scalp was gone completely [WOLFY:] I think she Still looked good overall. [DRACULA:] NO. NO. NO.NO.NO. She walked into my castle Dropped a finger in the punch Then asked if anybody Was gonna finish Franky's lunch I said, “Wolf, she is deceased.” You said [WOLFY:] “Technically so are you.” [DRACULA:] That was annoyingly well played. [Chorus] It’s a WORM MOON! Wolfy draggin’ ass across the room Howlin’ like the world is gonna end real soon [WOLFY:] MY ASS IS BURNIN’! [DRACULA:] THAT’S BECAUSE YOU HAVE WORMS! Full moon! Bad decisions comin’ home too soon One rancid zombie and your whole life is now doomed [WOLFY:] But she smelled SOOOOO GOOD, BRO! [DRACULA:] SHE HAD MAGGOTS IN HER HAIR! [WOLFY:] They added volume. [Verse 3] Okay First of all You weren’t there Second, love is never fair Third That zombie had a vibe Dead on the outside But inside [DRACULA:] Also dead. [WOLFY:] Stop interrupting. We met behind the crypt Around a quarter after two She said, “You like rotten girls?” I said, “Baby, I like you.” Was it smart? Nope. Was it safe? No chance. Did her femur come detached In the middle of the dance? Maybe. But she looked into my eyes [DRACULA:] Which one? [WOLFY:] ...Fair. Still, she made this werewolf feel alive! [DRACULA:] And gave you parasites. [WOLFY:] Love has a price. [DRACULA:] You have a veterinary appointment at nine. [WOLFY:] Can we make it eleven? [DRACULA:] WHY? [WOLFY:] She’s coming over at ten. [DRACULA:] Who? [WOLFY:] Don’t make it weird. [DRACULA:] THE ZOMBIE?! [WOLFY:] She left her foot here. [DRACULA:] THAT WAS HERS?! [DRACULA:] NO MORE ZOMBIES! [WOLFY:] She understands me! [DRACULA:] NO MORE SCOOTING! [WOLFY:] MY ASS DEMANDS IT! [DRACULA:] NO MORE DATING THINGS THAT ARE ACTIVELY DECAYING! [WOLFY:] That feels discriminatory. [DRACULA:] SHE DIED IN 1843! [WOLFY:] So you’re saying she’s mature. [Final Chorus] It’s a WORM MOON! Wolfy draggin’ ass across every room Dracula’s about to lose his mind real soon [WOLFY:] MY ASS IS BURNIN’! [DRACULA:] YOU RUINED ANOTHER RUG! Full moon! Every bad decision comes due When your booty starts howlin’ louder than you [WOLFY:] But she tastes **Like fine wine!** [DRACULA:] SHE’S A CORPSE! [WOLFY:] Yeah but aren't you also technically a corpse too? right?! [DRACULA:] That is completely different. [WOLFY:] How? [DRACULA:] I HAVE STANDARDS. [WOLFY:] Hey, Drac? [DRACULA:] What. [WOLFY:] You got any Preparation H? [DRACULA:] THat's it no more wolfs bane for you. This is coming out of your deposit
