The Ego with Whiskers

Look at me. No, look properly. I didn’t ask to be gift-wrapped; that would be humiliating for both of us. I am the peak of evolution... And you? You’re just the mammal who opens the foil pouches. Am I a gift? Maybe. But I’m the kind of gift you lack the competence to return! Control... is just an illusion I let you feed on. I fill the vacuum of your existence... with my aesthetic indifference. You adore me because my contempt... Is the most authentic thing you’ve ever received! I AM THE PRETTY CAT! A monument of flesh and sheer audacity! Your luck is proportional to my beauty—which is to say: INFINITE! Kneel down! Or just clean the litter box! It’s all the same to me! I am the perfect glitch in your mediocre routine. A plush anarchist... Don’t touch me unless I decide your boredom deserves my attention. Now, get out. I have sixteen hours of sleep scheduled... And the sunlight isn't going to lie on me by itself. I AM THE PRETTY CAT! A monument of flesh and sheer audacity! Your luck is proportional to my beauty—which is to say: INFINITE! Kneel down! Or just clean the litter box! It’s all the same to me!