Curtains closed up tight Hate the sun on my face Bedframe creaks like guilt The room won't stay still Nightstand looks a mess White lines, small pills and glass Drops in crooked rows I call it my cure But the silence bites When the room goes flat Old hands in my mind Come back like that I hold my breath Till the shaking stops Then I fake that calm With a smile too soft That blackout smile Keeps me alive Blackout smile Hides what I survived I say I'm fine But I know I'm done Blackout smile Till the hurt moves on Little me still shakes At the sound of boots I still taste the fear In the back of my throat I run from dreams I feel Not the ones I fight So I learned to keep My tears inside Now the walls lean in When the night gets thin Every closed-up door Turns into him I grip the frame Like it might hold me Then I wear my lie So nobody sees My blackout smile which Keeps me alive Mixed up smile To hide what I survived I say I'm fine Then feel I'm done Blackout smile Till the hurt moves on If I sit too still It all comes back Those stairs, no light Their voice on my neck So I reach for rest Locked inside a pill And I grin at the dark Before it will Alcoholic smile Kept me alive Made up smile To hide what I survived I’m kinda fine Though I’m also not Blackout smile A cure to move on
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