TRICK OR TREAT TONIGHT! [INTRO — 132 BPM • MANIC HALLOWEEN COUNTRY ROCK] [Creepy banjo • sinister chicken clucks • haunted fiddle] [Evil laughter • stomping drums kick in] [VERSE 1 — CHEEKY SOUTHERN OUTLAW VOCAL] [Bouncing banjo • twangy guitar • comic storytelling] On Halloween, Zombie Elvis led us Past the flaming toilet burning bright. Dressed as a pregnant nun, with a radioactive green face, They marched us through the night. I wore a bloodstained tutu with squeaky clown shoes, And packed a stolen coffin for the sweets. We rode to Transylvania on a flying wheelie bin, To haunt the moonlit streets. A chainsaw-wielding chicken waved us over, With a wicked, toothy grin. We tried to moonwalk naked beside the gate, Then someone called us in! [CHORUS — EXPLOSIVE MONSTER-GANG SINGALONG] [Stomping drums • wild fiddle • rowdy harmonies] Trick or treat in Satan’s fluffy slippers, Come knocking at the door! Something slimy, something hairy— We’re coming back for more! We can handle farting zombies and pole-dancing vampires, We’ll laugh at any fright. But Granny’s possessed false teeth? We draw the line! Trick or treat tonight! [VERSE 2 — PLAYFUL • INCREASING CHAOS] [Chicken clucks • honky-tonk piano • punchy rhythm] First, Count Dracula answered, Dressed as a blood-soaked lifeguard in red. We picked treat; got a bucket of severed toes— “Bloody hell, they’re moving!” we said. Next, Frankenstein wore a stripper’s thong, With a screaming demon chicken beneath one arm. We chose trick; got a fart-powered air horn— That set off every car alarm! [CHORUS — BIGGER • ROWDIER] [Full band • manic fiddle • monster harmonies] Trick or treat in Satan’s fluffy slippers, Come knocking at the door! Something slimy, something hairy— We’re coming back for more! We can handle farting zombies and pole-dancing vampires, We’ll laugh at any fright. But Granny’s possessed false teeth? We draw the line! Trick or treat tonight! [BRIDGE — THEATRICAL STOP-START] [Music drops • sinister fiddle • spoken character voice] Then the Headless Horseman, dressed as a drag queen, Stepped out into the light. “Choose chocolate-covered eyeballs or a chainsaw up your backside! Which will it be tonight?” We picked treat; they passed us radioactive pumpkin pies, Then pointed at the moon. [SHOUTED — MANIC] “Now shake your bony backside!” “Hocus pocus, chicken focus!” [FRANTIC FIDDLE BREAK] And the fiddler struck a tune. [FINAL CHORUS — FULL HALLOWEEN MAYHEM] [Explosive country-rock • monster gang • wild fiddle] Trick or treat in Satan’s fluffy slippers, Come knocking at the door! Something slimy, something hairy— We’re coming back for more! We can handle farting zombies and pole-dancing vampires, We’ll laugh at any fright. But Granny’s possessed false teeth? We draw the line! Trick or treat tonight! [OUTRO — THE TWIST] [Music drops • low sinister banjo • eerie whisper] Then Zombie Elvis dropped his rubber wig, And we all began to shake. Beneath it lurked a real flesh-eating ghoul— That costume wasn’t fake! [LOW • CREEPING HORROR] My backside turned into bubbling green custard, It spread across my skin. That cursed radioactive pumpkin pie had changed us all— The monsters were within! [EVIL GRIN • PLAYFUL THREAT] Now we haunt the local Tesco each Halloween, Come knocking at your door. Give us your chocolate and clean underpants, And we won’t eat your granny— Unless you ask for more! [FINAL STING — BANJO TWANG • DEMONIC CHICKEN CLUCK • EVIL LAUGHTER] [END]
