No Mayors In Kentucky

[Intro - spoken words, no music, strong and excited news reporter voice, spoken] "Breaking news November 11th, 2024: The votes are in! Rabbit Hash Kentucky has elected top dog Boone the Bluetick Coonhound as the new Mayor!" [Melody] [Verse] Walkin through The Walmart, oh dear! You never know what you'll see or hear It's a crazy place and much much more Please don't ever go after dark, I implore [Pre-Chorus] And, ya know, Drew, he says... "There's no Mayors in Kentucky, friends 'cause Kentucky ain't a State", he defends [Chorus] I've heard it all, I've lived too long Walkin' through The Walmart after dark It's just wrong [Verse 2] Pajama-clad women dot the aisles Men in sweats, hardly sharin' smiles Children tearing through, cryin' for toys Over near Sporting Goods, bunch of good ol' boys That's right, buyin' guns and bullets (oh joy!) Hahahahaha [Pre-Chorus] And, ya know, Drew, he says... "There's no Mayors in Kentucky, friends 'cause Kentucky ain't a State", he defends [Bridge] Well, ya know ol' Aidan took the bait There's no way in hell he could wait He whips out his cell phone like a pistol Ready to throw down, eyes flashin' crystal "I'll tell you the Mayor of any Kentucky town! So just sit yerself right on down!!" [Pre-Chorus] And, ya know, Drew, he says... "You're eatin' that sub like a pig, man" And ol' Aidan, he comes right back "I'm eatin' like a man. You wouldn't understand" [Chorus] I've heard it all, I've lived too long Walkin' through The Walmart after dark It's just wrong Drew, get yerself back in school, boy Lay off those "special" brownies Gotta be another way to find your joy Even tiny towns in Kentucky have Mayors (Good luck Boone!!!) [Post-Chorus] My advice to you all, near or far It don’t matter who you are Stay in the daylight, without a doubt Because ya never know who'll be about [Fade Out] Stalkin' through The Walmart