Executive Arbitrage

[Banjo warning riff] [Verse 1] We priced the craft by the lowest bid, Mapped every task and trimmed the grid. The seasoned hands became overhead, A spreadsheet smiled while the context fled. Outsource the work, insource the meetings, Calendar density, recurring greetings. Standard leadership and management channels, Seven new portals and twelve new panels. [Pre-Chorus] Who’s responsible? Who’s accountable? RACI me this till the room is full. Decision to action, implementation to go-live, Commitment to delivery—watch the status light thrive. [Chorus] Executive arbitrage, Put another C-suite on! We saved it on the engineers, Then spent it up the chain. Executive arbitrage, Put another C-suite on! Capacity was cheaper till capacity was gone. Labour arbitrage on Monday, Executive arbitrage by fall! [Verse 2] The handoff queue acquired a name, The named owner joined a steering game. Institutional knowledge became a slide, The bottleneck learned how to multiply. The org chart’s getting taller / while the bench is getting small, Every escalation has a protocol call. Execution needs a leader to manage the leaders, Accountability needs specialized accountability procedures. [Corporate Spoken Interlude] Management has identified an exciting opportunity to improve accountability. Accountability will now report directly to Executive Accountability. [Chorus] Executive arbitrage, Put another C-suite on! We saved it on the engineers, Then spent it up the chain. Executive arbitrage, Put another C-suite on! Capacity was cheaper till capacity was gone. Outsource the work, insource the meetings— Please remain aligned while the runway drains! [SCADA Breakdown] CAPACITY — LOW BOTTLENECKS — HIGH INSTITUTIONAL KNOWLEDGE — LOW EXECUTIVE HEADCOUNT — RISING CONTROL ACTION — ADD VICE PRESIDENT [Bridge] Decision to action: pending review. Implementation to go-live: phase two. Commitment to delivery: beautifully framed. The control loop closes, but nothing has changed. Who’s responsible? Who’s accountable? RACI me this from the conference room wall. If the signal is weak, increase the title; If the title is weak, increase it all! [Final Chorus] Executive arbitrage, Put another C-suite on! We saved it on the engineers, Then spent it up the chain. Executive arbitrage, Put another C-suite on! Capacity was cheaper till capacity was gone. The org chart’s getting taller / while the bench is getting small, Labour arbitrage on Monday, Executive arbitrage by fall! [Deadpan Outro] Standard leadership and management channels remain available. Please direct all questions to the office responsible for responsibility. [Banjo roll underneath] [Fake approval notification: ding — Request approved: Add Vice President]