I still hear that sound That sharp little crack in the morning light Before I knew what a normal day felt like I knew that sound meant something wasn't right I'd lie there still in my bed and listen Trying to tell from the way she moved Would today be one of the good ones? Would there be anything I could do? And my father had a different kind of silence He disappeared without a sound One was always too much of everything The other one was never around It sounds like home It sounds like pain The morning comes It starts again One empty chair One beer can down And I learned too young To never make a sound I grew up where the silence screamed Where nothing was ever what it seemed And even now, when I hear that sound It takes me back before I know I'm there There were red eyes at the kitchen table Tears hiding underneath the blame I learned to read the room before I entered Learned that love could change its shape I knew when not to ask a question I knew when I should disappear I became good at making myself smaller Just to keep the peace in here And somewhere in that little house I stopped expecting things to change I learned to read her face for answers And hide my feelings just the same It sounds like home It sounds like pain The morning comes It starts again One empty chair One beer can down And I learned too young To never make a sound I grew up where the silence screamed Where nothing was ever what it seemed And even now, when I hear that sound It takes me back before I know I'm there Now I can open a can myself And sometimes I freeze before I drink Because my body remembers everything Even what I don't want to see I know it's only metal I know it's only a sound But for a second I'm back there And I'm searching for a way out Where was my father? Somewhere far away Where was my mother? Right there, but lost inside herself And where was I? Trying to survive Trying to be quiet Trying to be good enough To make her stay with me So I learned to save myself I learned to stay I learned to breathe Through every yesterday I carried all their silence I carried all their pain I thought if I was strong enough Maybe I could make it change But it was never mine to carry It was never mine to fix And I won't spend the rest of my life Trying to make sense of it It sounds like home It sounds like pain But I won't let it Own me the same That empty chair That beer can's gone They don't get to tell me Who I am now I grew up where the silence screamed Where nothing was ever what it seemed And even now, when I hear that sound I'm back there for a moment But I'm here now I am still here I am still here After everything I'm still here I still hear that sound... And for a moment, I'm back there. But I'm here now. I'm home.
