[Verse 1] [Spoken. Dry. No music.] I learned a good woman Doesn’t need much [One ugly acoustic chord.] She eats last Sleeps less [half-laughed] And calls that love She remembers everybody’s grief Makes herself indispensable Then apologizes when she needs I learned affection has conditions So I studied for the test Be useful Be pleasant Be pretty enough But never know you’re pretty Be intelligent But don’t embarrass anybody with it Be strong But God forbid You ever make a man feel small So I got very good At disappearing Without technically leaving at all [Pre-Chorus] If I can solve enough problems Maybe nobody notices I have any of my own If I become impossible to replace Maybe I won’t be [Chorus] If I’m useful You’ll stay If I’m giving You’ll call it love If I never ask for anything I’ll finally be enough If I feed you Heal you Hold you while you break Maybe when it’s my turn You’ll remember how to stay I don’t need much I don’t need much I don’t need.................... [spoken, disgusted] God, what a lie [Verse 2] I thought saying no made me cruel Charging money made me greedy Needing rest made me lazy Anger made me ugly I thought a boundary was punishment And disappointment meant I failed I thought love meant access To my time My body My knowledge My money My energy My forgiveness And if I closed the door I called myself selfish Before anybody else got the chance [Verse 3] They taught us a woman who gives everything Is beautiful A woman who keeps something for herself Needs fixing [rhythmic spoken word, guitar getting increasingly unstable] A man protects his time He has standards A woman protects hers She has an attitude A man knows his worth A woman thinks she’s better than everybody A man is direct A woman is difficult A man chooses himself And everybody applauds A woman chooses herself And somebody asks......... Who she thinks she is [Chorus] If I’m useful You’ll stay If I’m quiet You’ll call me good If I bleed somewhere private You won’t have to feel uncomfortable If I forgive you fast enough You never have to change If I keep calling self-erasure compassion Maybe nobody notices I’m disappearing again I don’t need much I don’t need much I don’t need...... God, what a lie [Bridge] If they leave I failed If they lie about me I must have invited it If nobody buys it It has no value If nobody helps I shouldn’t need help If nobody chooses me I’m not worth choosing If I am poor I must have thought wrong If I am suffering I must have manifested badly If God loved me Surely I would have more Listen to that I turned every wound Into evidence against myself Who taught me That every bad thing Was secretly a test I had somehow failed? Who taught me That exhaustion was holiness? That suffering quietly Made me good? I would never look at a little girl And tell her: Earn your food Earn your rest Earn your safety Earn affection Earn the right to take up space Earn love But I have been saying it To myself My whole fucking life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Build] I sold my soul in tiny payments Every time I swallowed no Every time I made myself smaller So somebody wouldn’t go Every time I called abandonment A lesson I deserved Every time I confused being needed With being loved [Final Chorus] I don’t have to be useful For you to stay I don’t have to rescue you To deserve a place I can need I can ask I can take up space I can disappoint somebody Without becoming a disgrace I can charge for my labor And still have a heart I can close a door Without tearing love apart And if you only loved me When I was useful to you............ Then say it plainly You didn’t love me You loved what I could do [Outro] I wanted to be loved So I learned to disappear I wanted somebody to stay So I made myself necessary But necessary Is not the same as loved Useful Is not the same as worthy And maybe the saddest lie I ever learned Was believing I had to become anything at all To deserve What I was born deserving Love
