[Intro — crowd noise, fiddle riff kicks in] [Verse 1] Walked into Flanagan’s quarter to eight A pint in me hand and a swagger that’s great Spotted a lass by the bar on the right With a chest like two fucking hills in the pale candlelight [Pre-Chorus] I cleared me throat, I combed me hair Said something smooth — what it was, I don’t care [Chorus] The more I drink the suaver I get The sharpest damn tongue that you ever have met I’m charming and clever and funny as hell At least that’s the fucking story I’m choosing to tell Pour me another, I’m just getting warmed up The more I drink the suaver I get [Verse 2] I told her a limerick, filthy and bold — “There once was a maiden from Cork, bless her soul Her assets were famous from Bantry to Dole She’d lean o’er the bar You could see from afar And every poor cunt in the room lost control” She laughed so hard Guinness came out of her nose Which honestly lads is how every love story goes [Pre-Chorus] She called me a gobshite, I said “That’s fair” But she slid me her number so I didn’t care [Chorus] The more I drink the suaver I get The sharpest damn tongue that you ever have met I’m charming and clever and funny as hell At least that’s the fucking story I’m choosing to tell Pour me another, I’m just getting warmed up The more I drink the suaver I get [Bridge — fiddle breakdown, crowd claps along] Round four I was Shakespeare, round five I was Keats Round six I was dancing on somebody’s feet Round seven I told her she had the eyes of the sea Round eight the clever cunt was listening to me! [Verse 3] I bought the whole bar a round, maybe two Told three more limericks, most of them true — “A barmaid from Galway, a wonderful sort Could pull the best pint of the fucking finest stout The other hand free For the likes of me But I fumbled it all — as God planned, no doubt” [Pre-Chorus] Last thing I remember was waving goodnight And somehow it felt like the evening went right [Outro Chorus — big, whole pub singing] The more I drink the suaver I get The sharpest damn tongue that you ever have met I’m charming and clever and funny as hell At least that’s the fucking story I’m choosing to tell Pour me another — ah bollocks I’m done The more I drink the suaver I— thud [Outro — slow fiddle dies out, door slams]
