[Intro] Yheah... They see the silence and fill it with violence, Assign it a meaning, decide what the vibe is. “He think being quiet is cool.” Nah. “I ain't sad. I ain't hurt. I ain't grieving.” I'm just numb. Raplover taking over. [Hook] After all of this time,(EY!) After every goodbye,(UH!) I just wanna know what happy feels like.(DANG!) I've been wasting my time,(EY) Always chasing a high,(EY) I just wanna know what happy feels like.(EY!) uh [Verse 1] I been tryna chase the high, getting so high out my mind, While I'm wide-eyed, sidelined, watching my life from the side. Tryna find that right vibe, but the right vibe won't arrive, So I ride through the night with a mind that won't quiet. I been running from nothing, then running to something, Then something becomes nothing, now nothing means something. I'm stuck in a cycle of “maybe it's coming,” Then wait till it's gone and pretend I was bluffing. I don't cry, I don't break, I don't shake, I don't fold, I just stare at the day while the daylight gets cold. They say, “Why you so quiet?” like silence got code, Like every blank look means I'm hiding a load. Nah, I ain't hiding a wound in the room, I ain't writing a doom-filled line in my room. I can laugh with the crew, I can vibe, I can move, Then the second I'm alone, I go quiet again. My head's like a hallway, the walls keep on walking, The clock keeps on talking, the thoughts keep on knocking. I open one door and another starts knocking, So I pace through the place while my brain keeps on racing. I got light in the window, but shade in the middle, Got days where I'm laughing, got nights where I'm little. Not sad, not depressed, not crushed by a riddle, I'm just trying to feel something that used to feel simple. [Pre-Hook] And I know what you think when you look at my face, You see no reaction, assume there's a case. But don't make a whole story from one little space, Sometimes there's no feeling to put in its place. [Hook] After all of this time, After every goodbye, I just wanna know what happy feels like. I've been wasting my time, Always chasing a high, I just wanna know what happy feels like. [Verse 2] Tick-tick, quick switch, six thoughts in a minute, Mind flips, time slips, can't tell where I'm in it. I chase that quick hit till I'm sick of the feeling, Then chase the same feeling because I miss feeling. High for a second, then back to the floor, Tryna open one door, find another four. I keep looking for more from the things I ignored, Then wonder why more never feels like enough anymore. “You think quietness is cool?” No. “You think you're better?” No. “You don't care?” I do. “Then why don't you show it?” I can't. That's the answer. No mask, no act, no hidden disaster, No sad little chapter I'm saving for after. I'm not asking for help, I'm not asking for answers, I'm just watching my feelings move past like a passer. My emotions got stuck in a traffic jam, Everything moves but I can't catch the signal. I can hear every word, understand every plan, But the part where I feel it keeps slipping my hands. I got thoughts doing laps, got the facts in a stack, Got a map in my head but I can't find the path. Every “I'm fine” is exactly that, I ain't hiding a crack, I just don't need to act. So don't call me cold, don't call me fake, Don't call my silence some choice that I make. If I don't react, don't assume that I hate, Sometimes I just look at the moment and wait. [Verse 3] I been tryna chase the high, getting so high out my mind, Tryna climb to the sky while I'm tied to the time. Every mile that I drive got me miles from the sign, And the harder I try, the more the feeling declines. So I rhyme through the numbness, I run through the nothing, Turn “I don't know” into something worth punching. No blood, no tears, no dramatic assumptions, Just words getting sharp while the silence keeps humming. I got a heart that's awake but a spark that's asleep, Got a smile that appears when there's nothing beneath. Not empty, not broken, not lost underneath, Just a strange little gap between “feel” and “believe.” I still got dreams, still got plans, still got reasons, Still laugh at dumb jokes, still love certain seasons. Still talk to my people, still chase what I'm seeking, So don't call me gone just because I'm not beaming. I'm not fighting a demon, I'm not drowning in sorrow, I'm not scared of today, I'm not praying for tomorrow. I just know that the feeling that everybody calls normal Doesn't always arrive when they tell me it ought to. Maybe someday that switch will click back when I need it, Maybe one little moment will finally complete it. Till then, don't label the silence and leave it, I ain't sad... I just don't feel it. [Final Hook] After all of this time, After every goodbye, I just wanna know what happy feels like. [Outro] I ain't sad. I ain't hurt. I ain't grieving. I ain't acting cool. I'm just numb. Still here. Still me. Still trying. Raplover.
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