Your Pitching

(Funky bassline with bouncy electro drums, glitchy 8-bit arpeggios) [Intro – Glitchy voice] “Hello investors… Today I present… another wild idea…” Loading sound… BEEP You’re pitching again, huh? [Verse 1] You walk in the room with a PowerPoint smile Charts and graphs, yeah, it’s been a while Buzzwords fly like you’re coding a dream “Synergy! Blockchain! Laser beams!” But your beta’s broken, your timeline’s fake Every MVP’s just a cupcake You say “we’ll scale in Q4” — my dude… I’ve heard this pitch since 2002 [Chorus] You’re pitching! Like a server that won’t shut up Selling me dreams I can’t back up Every line of code’s still glitching But baby, here you are — you’re pitching! You’re pitching! Pivot left, pivot right New idea every Friday night One day you’ll drop something worth shipping But until then… oh baby… you’re pitching! [Verse 2] You say “cloud-based love” but your Wi-Fi’s down Your UI’s ugly, your UX’s a clown Your GitHub’s empty, your roadmap’s fake But you still call me your “series A stake” You promise me features, then disappear Your pipeline’s full of vaporware But you got that founder glow, it’s true And somehow… I’m still investing in you [Bridge – Spoken, sarcastic] “So let me get this straight… You’re gonna launch a crypto-dating app that only works on dial-up? Genius.” [Chorus – Repeat] You’re pitching! Like a chatbot stuck in a loop Talking big like a launch day spoof Every plan you drop keeps glitching But baby, here you are — you’re pitching! You’re pitching! Demo day’s a catastrophe But you still got me laughing, see Even if your product’s never shipping I’ll keep listening… ‘cause you’re pitching! [Outro – Glitchy fade out] “Investors? Are you still there?” Dial tone… 404 error Baby, you’re pitching forever…