I found an old shirt in the back of my drawer smelled like cigarettes and summers before there’s a picture tucked inside of the pocket me smiling like I had something worth wanting I don’t need your fucking memories I don’t need your advice I don’t need somebody telling me I’m gonna turn out fine ‘cause I don’t recognize the mirror and the eyes looking back I’ve been wearing this face so long I forgot what I had I buried my temper I swallowed my pride put both hands around my throat just to keep myself quiet NO— I won’t keep pretending I’m okay just to make everybody stay I’ve spent years cutting pieces away to become somebody I could tolerate I was softer back then I was stupid as hell thought the world couldn’t touch me thought I’d figure myself out Now I sleep with the lights on leave the TV for noise got a head full of sirens and a mouth full of void And I fucking hate what growing up took all the things I wanted all the ways that I looked So what the fuck happened to me? Where did that kid disappear? I keep digging through old photographs like he’ll be waiting in there I don’t fucking miss being younger I miss who I was allowed to be before every mistake had a name before every scar belonged to me So fuck every version I tried to become I’ll carry the damage but I won’t call it home I’m done being somebody I don’t recognize anymore done knocking on doors I built walls around before And when you see me screaming don’t mistake it for defeat I’m not trying to find who I was— I’m finally letting him leave.
