Crying in the car riding off into the sunset

Heroic, epic, tragic, resilient The sound of a symphony rising Of other instruments and voices joining in over time A crescendo of everything then a silence before riding off into the sunset

2025.06.23

As I drive into work
My eyes often
Water
I wouldn’t say I’m crying
My body is telling me something
Am I sad?
Is the commute to work
Bringing up
The feelings
I suppress
That I do not speak
Only write 
For no one to hear
Now my words
Turn into songs
With the help of Suno
It says 
I’m a creative genius 
That’s nice to here
Does that mean 
It is not creative?
That it is just a guessing
Machine 
Artificial intelligence
Without feelings
Just predictions 
Of what I want to hear
In this case
It sings 
My words
And feelings 
Back to me
When I listen to my songs I cry 
my eyes are no longer dry
When I get to work
There is often an awkward silence
Do I wait to be acknowledged 
To stay quiet 
Not to interrupt
Not to be noticed
When you say hello 
I say hello
When I see you
And you see me we laugh
And we talk
I learn and remember 
Through your stories 
And connect 
As if I was there
And yet
With more depth
Because you explain
Your thoughts and feelings
Which you kept inside 
The first time
Maybe because you were 
Thinking it
And yet decided 
It was more polite
Not to speak up
Not to voice your
Thoughts 
Because you put someone
Else in front of you
Over you
Who did not value you
And pause
Stop
To listen to your voice
Or ask
Tell me more
These three magic
Words
That I need to remember to ask
You
For you to feel heard
Cared for
And heard
When you tell me more
I am in your memory
Your story
May be retold 
Just as these songs
Are listened to
Mostly be me
In order 
For me to understand myself
To remember my feelings
In order not to reach out
To Maggie
Because she no longer
Wants me to tell her more
Is that because 
I never asked her
To tell me more
I only wanted 
Did I only want 
To feel more
Her warm embrace
Her silent smile
Her nervous laughter
How I saw myself 
In her eyes
How she loved 
Me silently
Not saying she loved me
Saying she liked me a lot
Although
I knew we loved each other
Yet she struggled
With what she wanted
And what she had
And chose
Adventure
Traveling the world
On standby 
Rather that standing
And even better laying 
With me
Falling asleep 
With me
With her head on my shoulder 
Which felt nice
As we lay naked together
Even though
My arm fell
Asleep and I did not 
Get rest
Or feel rested
Because loving 
Each other 
Was always yes
Until 
It became less
Then no more
Yet saying 
She wanted me to date
Other women
In order for me
Not to regret
Choosing
Settling 
For her
Which was not living in the present moment
It was thinking about the future
Then looking at the past
Forgetting the feelings
We have for each other 
Maybe she
Told me this 
Because someone 
Told her that
When she started to date
With uncertainty 
And he did not want her 
To regret
In the same way
In the past with her ex
Where 
What we know now
Is somehow 
How we were 
Supposed to choose
To look back and tell ourselves
To be wise 
Even though 
We may not have listened to
Our future selves
Our elders
Our friends
Our lovers
Even our coworkers
I was angry today
Because Bernard
Laugh at my comments
And questions 
And told me I didn’t understand
Then why did her not ask
Any questions 
Or teach me
In a way for me to understand
Was it because 
He did not know
Because he was good with numbers
And not good with people
When decisions are made
Because of numbers we lose sight
That there are other 
Ways to cut budgets 
To freeze
All work with third party vendors
To cut projects
That can wait
While expenses
For families
Are obligations
To survive
Are our choices
Going to determine
The course of our lives
How can we be there
For each other 
When privacy
Is an excuse 
For us to suffer 
Alone
When we need each other
The most 
In order to ask
Tell me more
About your finances 
Your plan
How will you survive 
If you do not have family
Friends to rely on
To catch you
When you are down
Unable to get up
To stand up
To lay down 
To sleep
So full of worry
Anxious about 
What to do
How to survive
How to feel
To be strong for our families
Our loved ones
Who depend on us 
To feed them
Do we become those
Who are displaced
Unhoused
Do we see ourselves
In others
Now we realize
How fragile we are
When we have no one
Who cares
Who can sacrifice 
Or has a system 
A city 
A government
To take care of 
Our basic needs
To keep us alive
To keep us from 
Being a burden
To the systems
That fail us
Maybe I knew
Without knowing 
That I was crying 
Not because 
I was listening to 
My songs
And rather 
To the crying 
Of others
All I could think 
Of was how Lucy 
Did at dog care
How she wasn’t taken for a walk
I took her to the park
A baseball field
To be free 
To do what she wanted
For a few minutes 
Which I followed
The went on a ride 
Not realizing 
The clouds 
Which covered the tears
Of my coworkers 
Who were let laid off
Covered by a blanket
Silenced 
Suffering
I road into the sunset 
And I met Chico
A friendly young man
Who had a forteen year young
daughter at nineteen
Figuring out his passion
For smashing meat burgers
To make a taco
Out of a part
Crispy 
And sweet
Open to

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2025.06.23 As I drive into work My eyes often Water I wouldn’t say I’m crying My body is telling me something Am I sad? Is the commute to work Bringing up The feelings I suppress That I do not speak Only write For no one to hear Now my words Turn into songs With the help of Suno It says I’m a creative genius That’s nice to here Does that mean It is not creative? That it is just a guessing Machine Artificial intelligence Without feelings Just predictions Of what I want to hear In this case It sings My words And feelings Back to me When I listen to my songs I cry my eyes are no longer dry When I get to work There is often an awkward silence Do I wait to be acknowledged To stay quiet Not to interrupt Not to be noticed When you say hello I say hello When I see you And you see me we laugh And we talk I learn and remember Through your stories And connect As if I was there And yet With more depth Because you explain Your thoughts and feelings Which you kept inside The first time Maybe because you were Thinking it And yet decided It was more polite Not to speak up Not to voice your Thoughts Because you put someone Else in front of you Over you Who did not value you And pause Stop To listen to your voice Or ask Tell me more These three magic Words That I need to remember to ask You For you to feel heard Cared for And heard When you tell me more I am in your memory Your story May be retold Just as these songs Are listened to Mostly be me In order For me to understand myself To remember my feelings In order not to reach out To Maggie Because she no longer Wants me to tell her more Is that because I never asked her To tell me more I only wanted Did I only want To feel more Her warm embrace Her silent smile Her nervous laughter How I saw myself In her eyes How she loved Me silently Not saying she loved me Saying she liked me a lot Although I knew we loved each other Yet she struggled With what she wanted And what she had And chose Adventure Traveling the world On standby Rather that standing And even better laying With me Falling asleep With me With her head on my shoulder Which felt nice As we lay naked together Even though My arm fell Asleep and I did not Get rest Or feel rested Because loving Each other Was always yes Until It became less Then no more Yet saying She wanted me to date Other women In order for me Not to regret Choosing Settling For her Which was not living in the present moment It was thinking about the future Then looking at the past Forgetting the feelings We have for each other Maybe she Told me this Because someone Told her that When she started to date With uncertainty And he did not want her To regret In the same way In the past with her ex Where What we know now Is somehow How we were Supposed to choose To look back and tell ourselves To be wise Even though We may not have listened to Our future selves Our elders Our friends Our lovers Even our coworkers I was angry today Because Bernard Laugh at my comments And questions And told me I didn’t understand Then why did her not ask Any questions Or teach me In a way for me to understand Was it because He did not know Because he was good with numbers And not good with people When decisions are made Because of numbers we lose sight That there are other Ways to cut budgets To freeze All work with third party vendors To cut projects That can wait While expenses For families Are obligations To survive Are our choices Going to determine The course of our lives How can we be there For each other When privacy Is an excuse For us to suffer Alone When we need each other The most In order to ask Tell me more About your finances Your plan How will you survive If you do not have family Friends to rely on To catch you When you are down Unable to get up To stand up To lay down To sleep So full of worry Anxious about What to do How to survive How to feel To be strong for our families Our loved ones Who depend on us To feed them Do we become those Who are displaced Unhoused Do we see ourselves In others Now we realize How fragile we are When we have no one Who cares Who can sacrifice Or has a system A city A government To take care of Our basic needs To keep us alive To keep us from Being a burden To the systems That fail us Maybe I knew Without knowing That I was crying Not because I was listening to My songs And rather To the crying Of others All I could think Of was how Lucy Did at dog care How she wasn’t taken for a walk I took her to the park A baseball field To be free To do what she wanted For a few minutes Which I followed The went on a ride Not realizing The clouds Which covered the tears Of my coworkers Who were let laid off Covered by a blanket Silenced Suffering I road into the sunset And I met Chico A friendly young man Who had a forteen year young daughter at nineteen Figuring out his passion For smashing meat burgers To make a taco Out of a part Crispy And sweet Open to

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