Verse 1 I was sitting in the kitchen With the evening settling down A bag of orange trouble Was the only thing around I reached in without thinking Like I’d done a thousand times Never knew that little cheese puff Had murder on its mind Pre-Chorus There are dangers in the darkness There are dangers in the light But I never thought my final stand Would happen here tonight Chorus Oh, the last cheese puff Got caught halfway down I saw the room start spinning I heard a distant sound I fought it like a warrior But fate had called my bluff Lord, don’t let them write upon my stone “He lost to a cheese puff” Verse 2 I stumbled through the doorway With my hands around my throat Couldn’t call for anybody Couldn’t sing a single note My whole life passed before me Every triumph, every scar And somewhere on the kitchen floor Lay that half-forgotten jar Musical Break [Slow mournful concertina over piano, deep bass, restrained drums — played completely seriously] Bridge I thought about my family And the things I meant to say All the little words of kindness I had put off one more day Then mercy found me breathing And the darkness let me go Sometimes life will teach a lesson In the strangest way it knows Final Chorus Oh, the last cheese puff Nearly laid this poor man down Turned an ordinary evening Into sacred battleground Now I chew a little slower And I’ve learned to show respect For anything that’s powdered orange And shaped like an apostrophe bent Outro [Concertina and piano slow to near silence] I survived the cheese puff… But I’ll never trust one again
