Quiet That Screams

The room is loud and I am small My thoughts are heavy like iron They clang inside my skull A pressure building behind my ribs A secret switch I can’t quite pull I try to say the words aloud My lips forget the way Reaching feels like glass and wire So I fold them back away I am sitting with the quiet that screams Holding my breath to soften the beam I pretend sleep is a kindly knife That will cut the loop and save my life It feels like I am making this hurt A ritual, slow and thin A homework of the lonely heart Practice in not letting in If I call will anyone come If I ask will voices stay It’s easier to keep the ache Than risk them running away I am sitting with the quiet that screams Holding my breath to soften the beam I pretend sleep is a kindly knife That will cut the loop and save my life I do not know the purpose of this pain Only that it makes the world feel small If reaching out is a cliff to climb Tell me how to call your hand at all I am sitting with the quiet that screams But maybe breath can loosen seams Maybe sleep is only one small door Not the only fix for what I’m for The room is loud and I am small But morning might forgive us all