[Verse 1 – breathless, conspiratorial] We rolled into Little Hallow on a bright and cheery morn, The village square was empty but the bunting was well-worn. The baker waved, the blacksmith sang, the mayor shook every hand, Yet something felt a tiny bit… off… across the land. [Verse 2 – faster, finger pointing at the audience] The Thief said, “Where’s the children?” The Wizard said, “What dogs?” The Cleric blessed the tavern, then forgot who he just hugged! I asked the barmaid for her name—she answered with a tune That crawled inside my skull and said, “You never left your room!” [Chorus – frantic clapping, everyone shouts the last line] Oh the false hydra’s humming and your friends are all gone, But you’ll swear they’re right beside you till you finish this song! Heads keep disappearing, but the village still cheers— It’s the catchiest apocalypse you’ll ever not quite hear! [Verse 3 – wild, half-screamed] I woke up with six verses written, couldn’t recall verse four, The Barbarian was arm-wrestling a man who wasn’t there anymore! The Wizard cast Detect Thoughts—got back a lovely lullaby, Then politely asked the hydra if it maybe wouldn’t mind not eating us alive! [Verse 4 – manic grin, pointing at empty seats] We tried to warn the townsfolk but they just sang along, Every time a head rolled off they’d hum another happy song! The Thief pick-pocketed his own missing hand, Found a note that said “Stop looking, everything is grand!” [Chorus – louder, faster, half the tavern missing verses on purpose] Oh the false hydra’s humming and your memories are toast, You’ll forget your mum, your quest, your name, and which one of us is the host! Heads keep disappearing, but the choir still sounds fine— La la la, nothing’s wrong, you’re just losing your mind! [Verse 5 – triumphant, slightly deranged] So we stuffed our ears with candle wax and holy turnip too, The Cleric cast Silence on the square—then forgot what silence was supposed to do! The Barbarian just hugged the necks till the song ran out of breath, Turns out you can choke a hydra if you squeeze it hard to death! [Verse 6 – gleeful, exhausted] The village square is quiet now, the heads are all re-grown, Except the ones that never were—turns out they’re on their own! We left at dawn with pockets full of songs we can’t un-hear, And a brand-new village anthem about a thing that wasn’t there! [Final Chorus – entire tavern screaming, some people singing in four-part harmony they swear they never learned] Oh the false hydra’s humming but we murdered it with hugs, Now we drink to all the friends we have -and the ones who might be bugs! Heads are back *we think*, memories are… mostly here— If you hear a little tune tonight, plug your ears and buy us beer!
