[Intro: party crowd, slow jam fading, record scratch, spoken] Happy eightieth, Grandma Pearl! Baby. Give me that cord. Nah. Give it. [Chant: call-and-response, shouted gang vocals, booming 808] Grandma got the aux! (Grandma got the aux!) Grandma got the aux! (Grandma got the aux!) Bass in the punch bowl, cane in the air Eighty years young and she don't care Grandma got the aux! (Grandma got the aux!) Grandma got the aux! (Grandma got the aux!) Shake the rec center, rattle the chairs Grandma got the aux, don't touch it, don't dare [Verse 1: bouncy party flow, playful, clear] Rec center Saturday, balloons on every chair Sheet cake with her face on it, frosting in her hair Cousin Dante on the laptop playing slow jams off a list Uncle Earl asleep already with a meatball in his fist Grandma tapped him with her cane and said, baby, move Pulled the cord out of his laptop like she's pulling out a tooth Plugged it in a flip phone with a rubber band around it Hit play, the bass dropped so low the basement found it Speakers made a noise like a dinosaur clearing its throat Punch bowl started rippling and the meatballs learned to float Uncle Earl woke up and did the robot from his seat Auntie Bev threw both her shoes and hollered, Lord, I feel my feet Grandma pointed at the floor like a general at war Eighty years old, said what the hell y'all sitting down for I been saving this since nineteen eighty-nine, baby Now shake it or I'm writing you out of the will, baby [Hook: melodic party chant, female and male group vocals] Hands up, cane up, everybody bounce Eighty candles on the cake and every candle count Turn it up, turn it up, Grandma can't hear it Turn it up, turn it up, now the whole block can hear it Hands up, cane up, everybody low Grandma got the aux and she ain't letting go [Breakdown: call-and-response, shouted, 808 and claps only] Rule one! (Rule one!) Nobody sits! Rule two! (Rule two!) Nobody touch the cake! Rule three! (Rule three!) Touch the cord, you get the cane! Rule four! (Rule four!) If the cops come, the cops dance too! [Verse 3: Grandma's verse, raspy older woman rap voice, sassy and steady] I was rocking bass when your daddy wore a diaper Had a Buick with a woofer that would shake loose the wipers Y'all be playing songs so soft the cake fell asleep Doctor said take it easy, I said doctor, take a seat New hip, new knee, same old feet Still got the moves that made your granddaddy weak When I hand you this cord, that's a sign that I'm dead Till then pass the cake and let the bass go to your head [Verse 2 - double time: rapid sixteenth-note bounce, crisp diction] Bingo hall is bumping and the ceiling tiles are jumping and the pastor's working on his hips Grandma on the microphone she's eighty and she's rapping with the frosting on her fingertips Uncle Earl attempted splits and now he's calling for a chiropractor by the gift table Cousin Dante wants the cord but she just looked at him and now he's frozen at the kid table Neighbors called the cops and then the cops came in to shut it down and now they're dancing by the punch Rule four is rule four so the sergeant's doing the electric slide and eating meatballs by the bunch [Chant: call-and-response, shouted gang vocals, booming 808] Grandma got the aux! (Grandma got the aux!) Grandma got the aux! (Grandma got the aux!) Bass in the punch bowl, cane in the air Eighty years young and she don't care [Chopper Burst: fastest part, rapid-fire, crisp consonants] Eighty candles on a sheet cake set the smoke alarm off and the sprinklers started raining on the crowd Grandma put a shower cap on bouncing and she told the deejay turn the damn thing up and make it loud Floor is wet and Uncle Earl is sliding on his belly like a penguin with a plate of mac and cheese Fire truck pulled up with the sirens and the captain asked her for a dance and got down on his knees [Hook: melodic party chant, female and male group vocals] Hands up, cane up, everybody bounce Eighty candles on the cake and every candle count Turn it up, turn it up, Grandma can't hear it Turn it up, turn it up, now the whole block can hear it Hands up, cane up, everybody low Grandma got the aux and she ain't letting go [Outro: party noise fading, spoken] Next year I'm ninety. We renting the stadium. Grandma, can I have my cord back? No.
