🎵 “The Kramer Scheme” (A Funky Seinfeld Song) (Verse 1) He slides through the door with hair to the sky, Got a plan to make millions, don’t ask why. One week it’s coffee tables made from books, Next week he’s modeling underwear looks! He’s got Bob Sacamano sellin’ gear downtown, And a guy named Lomez who’s never around. A meat slicer, a bus route, a cologne for the beach — He’s pitching to strangers like it’s Shark Tank on bleach! (Chorus) 🎶 Kramer! (Whoa-oh!) He’s got another plan! Selling Cuban cigars out of the van! He’s got a buddy in Queens with a llama for rent, And a business license that’s “pending” again! K-R-A-M-E-R! The man with the master plan… that's the K MAN! 🎶 (Verse 2) He started a pet parade on 81st Street, Had a turkey sandwich and called it “Kramer’s Treat.” He rented his apartment to a tourist gang, Now Little Jerry's his roommate — and that’s pure pain! He’s selling used golf balls from the Hudson Bay, Invented a rickshaw pulled by strays. He trademarked “bro” — no wait, “the man-sierre!” Then tried to sell ‘em wholesale to Times Square! (Mid-Song Break – Funky spoken section) 🎙️ [Bass groove kicks in] Kramer (talking fast): “Alright, alright, listen Jerry — this one’s huge! I got a friend downtown, he’s in distribution, we’re talking merchandise, we’re talking expansion — visit seinzone. dot com — you can hear the rest of the story and get yourself some Seinfeld goodies!” Jerry: “You’re turning your life into an ad read!” Kramer: “That’s synergy, Jerry! It’s the future! Giddy up!” (Slap bass fills back in — “doo doo doo da-doo!”) (Chorus) 🎶 Kramer! (Whoa-oh!) The king of the craze! He’ll pitch an idea and vanish in a daze! Got a friend in Cuba, a monk on the line, And he’s suing a coffee shop for burns that weren’t mine! 🎶 (Verse 3) He adopted a highway, painted it wide, Got a plate that said “ASSMAN” with pride. Hosted a talk show inside his flat, Had an audience of pigeons — and they loved that! (Final Chorus) 🎶 Kramer! (Whoa-oh!) He’s out of control! He’s a hurricane trapped in a human soul! Every plan’s a flop, but he don’t care — ‘Cause life’s a party when you’re Cosmo Kramer! 🎶 (Tagline / Outro) 🎶 Giddy up! 🎶
