[INTRO – spoken over ominous 808s] Hold up. Hold up, hold up, hold up. You made THIS... and then clicked no remixes? ...Man, what is wrong with you? [BEAT DROP] [CHORUS – shouted / gang vocals] NO REMIXES?! WHY YOU DO ME LIKE THAT?! NO REMIXES?! I WAS READY TO FLIP THAT TRACK! Had the drums in my head! Had the bass all vicious! Then I go to hit that little button— NO REMIXES?! That is MALICIOUS! AY! AY! AY! LET ME REMIX THAT! AY! AY! AY! WHY YOU CLICK THAT?! [VERSE 1] Heard a dark synthwave joint at quarter past two, Neon bassline going BWAAAH-WAH-WOO, Cold little arpeggio, cyberpunk dread, I immediately heard seven guitars in my head. Double-kick! Blast beat! Drop that tuning down! Death-metal vocalist crawling out the ground! I’m thinking, "Brother, this is gonna be SICK." Looked for the button... gone. ... No remix. WHAT?! I stood up slow. Took off my hat. Walked around the room like— "I cannot accept that." You got a riff hiding under that synth! You got a breakdown waiting to EXIST! Why would you build me a beautiful door Then put up a sign saying: DO NOT ENTER, DORK [CHORUS] NO REMIXES?! WHY YOU DO ME LIKE THAT?! NO REMIXES?! I WAS READY TO FLIP THAT TRACK! Had the drums in my head! Had the bass all vicious! Then I FINNA hit that little button— NO REMIXES?! That is MALICIOUS! AY! AY! AY! LET ME REMIX THAT! AY! AY! AY! WHY YOU CLICK THAT?! [VERSE 2] Then I heard this pop song— sweet little thing, Big bright chorus, girl can SING. Verse one good, pre-chorus clean, Then the hook hits hard like a dopamine machine. But right after chorus two? There’s SPACE. You know what belongs there? ME. Sixteen bars. 808s. Bad decisions. Ad-libs shouting from three dimensions. I already got: "YEAH!" "WHAT!" "OKAY!" "LET'S GO!" My verse halfway written before the bridge even showed. I go to click remix like a man with a mission— NO REMIX BUTTON... JUST SPACE ... You gotta be kidding. I had internal rhymes! I had multisyllabics! I had one unnecessary reference to hydraulics! You don't understand what you've taken from me. I had a FEATURE. It was gonna be FREE. [BREAKDOWN – spoken] And don't even get me started on that acoustic folk song. You KNOW which one. Sad guy. One guitar. Rain noises. I was gonna turn that thing into DRUM AND BASS. [BUILD] One-sixty-four BPM! Amen break! Sub-bass! Grandpa would've hated it! IT WAS GONNA BE BEAUTIFUL! [DROP] [CHORUS] NO REMIXES?! WHY YOU DO ME LIKE THAT?! NO REMIXES?! I WAS READY TO FLIP THAT TRACK! Had the drums in my head! Had the bass all vicious! Then go to I hit that little button— NO REMIXES?! That is MALICIOUS! AY! AY! AY! LET ME REMIX THAT! AY! AY! AY! WHY YOU CLICK THAT?! [VERSE 3] Found a bluegrass tune with a banjo run— Thought, "Industrial techno. This'll be fun." Found some shoegaze floating soft and wide— Thought, "Put a trap beat under that. Let it RIDE." Found a piano ballad, heartbreaking stuff— Thought, "What if the chorus had a nasty bass cutoff?" Found orchestral strings, cinematic and grim— Thought, "CRUNK." That's it. Just crunk. I don't need a reason. I don't need permission— Well... Apparently I DO need permission. And THAT is the issue. I'm not saying you owe me the stems. I'm not saying your song belongs to my friends. I'm just saying when inspiration hits And that toggle says NO— It hurts a little bit. ... No. It hurts A LOT. TURN ON THE REMIXES, COWARD! [BRIDGE – mock emotional, piano underneath] I respected your vision... I honored your art... But I heard a deathcore breakdown the moment your second verse started. I know it's your song. I know that's your choice. But somewhere tonight... an unused vocoder has lost its voice. [sniff] This didn't have to happen. [808 returns] [FINAL CHORUS – huge] NO REMIXES?! WHY YOU DO ME LIKE THAT?! NO REMIXES?! I WAS READY TO FLIP THAT TRACK! Death metal synthwave! Pop with a rap! Bluegrass techno! PUT A BREAKBEAT ON THAT! You made something great— I got overambitious! Then I WANNA hit that little button— NO REMIXES?! THAT IS MALICIOUS! AY! AY! AY! LET ME REMIX THAT! AY! AY! AY! WHY YOU CLICK THAT?! LET ME FLIP IT! LET ME CHOP IT! LET ME PITCH IT! LET ME DROP IT! LET ME BREAK IT! REARRANGE IT! MAKE IT WEIRD AND SLIGHTLY DANGEROUS! [OUTRO – spoken] Anyway... Great song. Liked and followed. Still mad, though.
