[Intro — Spoken ONLY, deep computerized robotic male voice, mechanical distortion, electronic radar scanning sounds, NO singing] SYSTEM ACTIVATED. WILD BIRD PATROL… DEPLOYED. SCANNING… SCANNING… [Electronic beeping] WARNING! WARNING! PEN-RAISED BIRDS SUSPECTED. ALL UNITS… PREPARE FOR INVESTIGATION. LET’S ROLL! [EXPLOSIVE GUITAR RIFF — HARD ROCK DRUMS KICK IN] [Verse 1 — Gritty male rock vocals] They’re watching every video, Analyzing every shot. If there’s a rooster on the ground, They swear it’s one we bought! They’ve got their little theories, They’re experts from afar. While we’re out chasing wild ones, They’re keyboard superstars! [Chorus — Loud, catchy, rebellious] WILD BIRD PATROL! They’re coming for your cocks! Looking for impostors, In every single flock! WILD BIRD PATROL! They’re searching high and low! But every pile of wild birds Steals their little show! [Short aggressive guitar solo] [Outro — Music cuts out completely, robotic voice returns] SCANNING COMPLETE. WILD BIRDS CONFIRMED. ZERO IMPOSTORS DETECTED. MISSION… FAILED. PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR KEYBOARDS. [Computer error sound]
