[Intro — Muted trumpet, walking bass, brushed drums. Smoky voice with a devilish grin.] Well, well, well… If it isn’t love.... Lord help us all. [Verse 1 — Lazy swing] I’ve got a penthouse down in Hades, A throne of gold, a heart of ice. A million souls in storage And a smile that isn’t nice. I could turn a saint to ashes With a wink and half a grin, But she said, “I like a gentleman,” So I’ve been practicing within. I held the door — it slammed on her. Bought her flowers — they burst in flame. Tried to praise her mother, Accidentally cursed her name... [Whisper] (Her name is "Karen",) Sent a dove with a love note, It returned carrying a skull. I’m trying to be romantic, But my résumé is doom! [Pre-Chorus] I’m turning over a new leaf, Though the old ones catch on fire. Good intentions, darling, And a deeply wicked prior. [Chorus — Full swinging brass] I’ve got the Devil’s new groove, Trying to learn how good men move! I say “bless you” — the church bells crack, I pull out her chair — it slides right back! Sweet as sugar, smooth as sin, I let the poor old angels in… Heaven’s on the phone, They want their flaming gates back home! I’ve got the Devil’s new groove, Ain’t got a clue what good men do! Head over horns, out of my depth, Trying to love her without causing a mess! [Verse 2] She wanted honesty, So I told her every crime. I described them all in Aramaic rhyme. She likes kindness to children, So I bought the school a treat. Now every kid breathes fire And tap-dances on hooved feet. She said, “Be gentle with the kittens,” I stroked one nice and slow. It grew wings, spoke Latin, Now it runs my bungalow. I cooked her dinner — A soufflé light and sweet — But “a pinch of salt” Salted half the street! [Pre-Chorus] I don’t mean to brag… But that salt circle was impressive. [Chorus] I’ve got the Devil’s new groove, Trying to learn how good men move! I say “bless you” — the church bells crack, I pull out her chair — it slides right back! Sweet as sugar, smooth as sin, I let the poor old angels in… Heaven’s on the phone, They want their flaming gates back home! I’ve got the Devil’s new groove, Ain’t got a clue what good men do! Head over horns, out of my depth, Trying to love her without causing a mess! [Bridge — Half-time blues, sincere] Listen, my little flame, I’ve never been a decent man. I’ve boiled oceans with rage, Ruined every righteous plan. But when you smile I want to behave, Just so I can be near you at the end of the day… I’d trade every soul in Hell Just for one day. You saw the cracks beneath my crown, The lonely throne, the empty hall. You held my hand when shadows rose And didn’t flinch at all. For once I want to guard a heart, Not break one to prove I’m strong. If changing means I lose my horns, Then darling, I’ve worn them for far too long. [Verse 3] I joined a charity, Put my name upon the list. They asked for a donation — I gave a cursed amethyst. Tried to turn the other cheek, But I set fire to the streets. Went to church for redemption — The congregation went up in conflagration! I bought a ring, got on one knee, Said, “Darling, take my hand.” The ring grew teeth and ate the priest. Not quite what I had planned. She stared, then laughed, “You’re hopeless, but you’re sweet.” And for the first time in creation, Hell’s own king forgot to speak. I used to think being feared Was all a lonely king could need. But she believed I could be more, And now I want to be what she sees. Every time my temper flares I count to ten and spare the room. Nine times out of ten, at least — The curtains still explode on cue. [Breakdown] She said, “I don’t need a saint. I don’t need a halo either. Just stop trying to impress me… And quit setting fire to the furniture.” That was one time. If I stumble, if I fail, I’ll learn the shape of making amends. I never knew a soul could stay Long enough to call me friend. [Final Chorus — Big-band] I’ve got the Devil’s new groove, And she’s got me in a brand-new noose! I say “I love you” — the skies turn red, I kiss her cheek — the dead rise from bed! Sweet as sugar, smooth as sin, She’s seen the monster living within! And if she loves me anyway, I’ll try being good another day! I’ve got the Devil’s new groove, Look at this poor old Devil improve! Head over horns, but I’ve found my flame, And even Hell’s got a sweetheart’s name! [Outro] So if you see me holding roses, Cologne and polished shoes… Don’t ask if I’ve found religion. I’ve just got the Devil’s new groove. And darling? [Whispered] I burned the reservation. [Final trumpet flourish, mischievous piano sting.]
