# **The Insults Song** **[Intro – Spoken]** Oh, you’re back. Brilliant. Nobody asked, but here we are. **[Verse 1]** You’ve got the confidence of someone who’s never been right, Talking absolute rubbish from morning till night. Your brain took a holiday, forgot to come home, Even Google gave up and left you alone. You walk in the room like you own the whole place, Then trip on the carpet and fall on your face. You’re living proof that common sense ain’t free, And somehow you’ve still got opinions on me. **[Pre-Chorus]** Oh dear, oh dear, what happened to you? Did intelligence leave without saying adieu? You’re loud, you’re proud, you’re confidently wrong, So congratulations—you inspired this song! **[Chorus]** You absolute muppet, you weapons-grade fool, You couldn’t find water if you fell in a pool. You’ve got all the charm of a wet kitchen sponge, And the graceful elegance of a drunken lunge. You’re a walking disaster, a human mistake, Like putting salt instead of sugar in cake. So take your nonsense, pack it along— You’ve just been roasted in the **Insults Song!** **[Verse 2]** You’ve got two brain cells fighting for third place, And both have requested a change of workspace. Your train of thought left the station last year, No tickets, no passengers, nothing to steer. You’re about as useful as a chocolate teapot, Giving advice when you clearly know squat. You’d lose an argument with your own reflection, Then blame the mirror for unfair rejection. **[Pre-Chorus]** Oh dear, oh dear, you’ve done it again, Turned one little thought into absolute pain. You started explaining—good Lord, it was long, Somebody hit play on the **Insults Song!** **[Chorus]** You absolute muppet, you weapons-grade fool, You couldn’t find water if you fell in a pool. You’ve got all the charm of a wet kitchen sponge, And the graceful elegance of a drunken lunge. You’re a walking disaster, a human mistake, Like putting salt instead of sugar in cake. So take your nonsense, pack it along— You’ve just been roasted in the **Insults Song!** **[Bridge – Faster / Chaotic]** Pillock! Numpty! Complete dingbat! Who let you outside dressed like that? Plonker! Wally! Absolute clown! Every time you stand up, expectations go down! Your Wi-Fi’s connected, but nobody’s home, You’d get lost using maps on your own phone. If stupidity sparkled, you’d light up the sky, Scientists would point telescopes wondering why! **[Breakdown – Spoken]** I’d explain it to you… But I’ve left my crayons at home. **[Final Chorus]** You magnificent muppet, spectacular fool, You somehow make chaos look incredibly cool. You’re irritating, ridiculous, brilliantly wrong, But without you we wouldn’t have half of this song. So raise up a glass to the daft and absurd, To every ridiculous thing that we’ve heard. Laugh at yourself and come sing along— Everybody’s welcome in the **Insults Song!** **[Outro]** You pillock. You numpty. You absolute spoon. …Same time tomorrow?
