[Intro: inside my head, whispered] Yeah… Sometimes I don’t break all at once. Sometimes I disappear piece by piece. Until I look in the mirror and don’t recognize who’s staring back. [Verse 1] I been dragging my soul through a house full of ghosts, Every room got a memory, every wall got a scar. I keep reaching for somebody that ain’t coming back, Like my hands don’t understand how fucking final death is. I got demons in my bloodstream, static in my head, Three nights awake, still arguing with the dead. Everybody says “move on” like it’s something you choose, Like grief ain’t a chain that gets tighter when I lose. I learned how to smile with a mouth full of pain, Learned how to disappear without leaving the place. I became somebody I don’t recognize anymore, Now I’m staring at the wreckage wondering what it was for. I chased every high just to outrun the low, But the faster that I ran, the more the shadows would grow. Now the silence gets loud when the room goes black, And every road that I took keeps leading me back. [Pre-Hook] Tell me how far can I fall Before the bottom starts feeling like home? How many pieces can I break Before I stop calling myself whole? [HOOK] What do you do when you got no hair left to cut. Salt deep in the cuts. What you gonna do when you finally had enough. What is what to you. How much you gotta lose Before you realize what’s really you. [Verse 2] I got a graveyard living underneath my skin, Every loss left a fingerprint, every sin left a print. I don’t sleep, I just close my eyes and fight, Same nightmare wearing a different face every night. I hear my own thoughts when the present gets quiet, My own fucking mind turns violent and riots. I built up walls so nobody could get through, Then wondered why nobody could reach me when I broke through. I’ve been angry at God, angry at fate, Angry at myself for arriving too late. Angry at the world for continuing to spin, When the person that I loved ain’t waking up again. So I buried the hurt underneath chemical smoke, Told myself I was fine every time that I choked. But numb isn’t healing, and high isn’t free, I can silence the pain without setting it free. Now I’m picking through the ashes of the man I became, Trying to separate the trauma from the blood in my veins. Maybe I’m not every terrible thing that I’ve done, Maybe underneath all this darkness there’s still someone. [Bridge: inside my head, almost silent] If I cut away the anger, If I strip away the shame, If I take away the substances, If I take away the blame… What’s left? Me? Or nothing? [Verse 3] I’ve been staring at the ceiling like it owes me an answer, Trying to bargain with a past that don’t negotiate back. I wanted death to explain why it took what I loved, But death never explains shit, it just leaves me with dust. So I’m standing in the wreckage, breathing smoke from the fire, Still carrying the weight of every buried desire. I don’t need another lie telling me I’m okay, I need somebody to tell me there’s another fucking way. ‘Cause I’ve lost enough blood without becoming a ghost, Lost enough years trying to punish myself for the loss. And if pain is a language, I’ve been fluent for years, But I’m tired of translating everything into tears. Maybe redemption ain’t clean, maybe healing ain’t pretty, Maybe crawling out the grave is the hardest fucking victory. Maybe who I was is gone, maybe that’s what it took, To finally meet the person hiding underneath the ruin. [FINAL HOOK] What do you do when you got no hair left to cut. Salt deep in the cuts. What you gonna do when you finally had enough. What is what to you. How much you gotta lose Before you realize what’s really you. [Outro: my own voice, inside my head] How much do I lose… Before I realize… I was still in there.
