I've been holding my hands still Since I learned people were watching Sitting on them in class Gripping my thighs under tables Anything to keep them from doing What they naturally want to do My body wants to move Wants to shake, flap, bounce, hum But I learned at seven That moving like that Gets you called weird Gets you bullied Gets you isolated So I learned to redirect Bite my cheek instead of vocal stim Tap my foot instead of flap my hands Scratch my arm instead of rock Destroy my body quietly So nobody else gets uncomfortable But I'm tired of making myself small Tired of making myself still Tired of pretending my body Doesn't need to move to regulate I'M STIMMING IN PUBLIC AND I DON'T CARE WHO'S WATCHING FLAPPING MY HANDS LIKE I'M TAKING OFF BOUNCING AND ROCKING AND NOT STOPPING YOU CAN STARE ALL YOU WANT I'M NOT PERFORMING FOR YOU ANYMORE I'M STIMMING IN PUBLIC AND MY BODY KNOWS WHAT IT'S FOR You don't understand This isn't optional decoration This isn't quirky aesthetic This is nervous system regulation This is how I don't have a meltdown In the middle of your grocery store Every time I stop myself from stimming I'm spending energy I don't have To make YOU comfortable While I'm drowning in sensory hell You get to stretch when you're uncomfortable Crack your knuckles when you're anxious Tap your pen during meetings Pace when you're thinking But when I flap my hands Suddenly it's "inappropriate" "Unprofessional" "Can you stop doing that?" Well here's what I learned: Your comfort is not more important Than my nervous system survival I'M STIMMING IN PUBLIC AND YOU CAN LOOK AWAY IF IT BOTHERS YOU ROCKING BACK AND FORTH 'CAUSE IT'S WHAT MY BODY NEEDS TO DO VOCAL STIMMING, HAND FLAPPING SPINNING, BOUNCING, ALL OF IT I'M STIMMING IN PUBLIC AND I'M DONE PRETENDING I DON'T EXIST Do you know what it's like To police your own body Every single moment Of every single day? To monitor every movement Every sound you make Every natural response Just to avoid judgment? (Building back up) Do you know what it costs To suppress the things that keep you regulated Just so you don't make people uncomfortable? My stimming isn't FOR you It's not ABOUT you It's not a statement It's not a choice IT'S SURVIVAL IT'S REGULATION IT'S MY BODY TRYING TO STAY OKAY IN A WORLD THAT'S TOO LOUD TOO BRIGHT TOO MUCH FLAP FLAP FLAP BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE ROCK ROCK ROCK STIM STIM STIM I'M NOT SORRY I'M NOT HIDING I'M NOT STOPPING I'M NOT APOLOGIZING THIS IS MY BODY THIS IS MY REGULATION THIS IS MY SURVIVAL AND YOU DON'T GET A VOTE (Final Chorus - MAXIMUM ENERGY, LIBERATION) I'M STIMMING IN PUBLIC AND IT FEELS LIKE FREEDOM EVERY FLAP, EVERY ROCK, EVERY BOUNCE IS ME RECLAIMING MY BODY YOU CALLED IT WEIRD, I CALL IT NECESSARY YOU CALLED IT ATTENTION-SEEKING I CALL IT STAYING ALIVE I'M STIMMING IN PUBLIC AND I'VE NEVER FELT MORE RIGHT Watch me flap! (flap flap flap) Watch me bounce! (bounce bounce bounce) Watch me stim! (stim stim stim) Watch me EXIST! "I'm stimming in public. Deal with it." (One final guitar chord, cut clean)
