Title: “The Ontology of a Friday Night” [Intro: distant city ambience, low room tone] [SFX: slow clock ticking] [TICK… TOCK… TICK… TOCK…] [Verse 1: calm, detached vocal] The evening enters negotiations with me, yet has absolutely nothing to offer. [SFX: faint fluorescent light hum] Time, that arrogant invention of mankind, isn’t even passing tonight. It simply lingers. [SFX: clock ticking gradually slows] The city performs its ceremonial motions, [SFX: distant car passing, wet street ambience] traffic lights change according to procedure. [SFX: pedestrian crossing signal in the distance] Someone is going somewhere, someone is coming back from somewhere, and civilization as a whole resembles a poorly written simulation. [SFX: subtle digital glitch] I stare through the window. [short silence] The window stares through me. [longer silence, faint room reverb] Epistemological conclusion: [SFX: clock stops] fuck, nothing is happening. [DROP: deep bass impact] [Chorus: wider vocal, dark cinematic instrumentation] Fuck, I’m so bored, even metaphysics sits down beside me. [SFX: chair slowly creaking] It asks me about the meaning of existence, [whispering echo: “existence… existence…”] I say, “I don’t know. Check again tomorrow.” [SFX: single dry notification sound] Fuck, I’m so bored, even entropy has lost its enthusiasm. [SFX: music subtly detunes and decays] Apparently the universe is expanding, [stereo effect: sound slowly expanding left and right] yet somehow this evening cannot move an inch. [ALL SOUND FREEZES] [2 seconds silence] [SFX: clock resumes] TICK. [Verse 2: minimal beat, spoken-word delivery] I could read Kierkegaard, [SFX: book opening] but the situation is already serious enough. [SFX: book immediately closes] I could call my friends, [SFX: phone dialing, distant ring] but I know the answer before the question is even asked: [telephone filter] “What are you doing?” [short pause] “Nothing.” [longer pause] “You?” [absurdly long pause] “Nothing either.” [SFX: call disconnect tone] And thus, the dialogue of modern humanity: two conscious beings exchanging reports from the frontiers of nonexistence. [whispering background voices: “nothing… nothing… nothing…”] Heraclitus claimed that everything flows. [SFX: gentle flowing water] I invite Heraclitus to come here. [SFX: water abruptly stops] Let him look at this evening and tell me that again to my face. [DEAD SILENCE] [Chorus: larger, increasingly dramatic] Fuck, I’m so bored, even metaphysics sits down beside me. [SFX: same chair creak, louder] It asks me about the meaning of existence, [deep echo: “EXISTENCE… EXISTENCE…”] I say, “I don’t know. Check again tomorrow.” Fuck, I’m so bored, even chaos has taken the night off. [SFX: chaotic glitch burst that immediately dies] The probability of anything happening [music gradually building] is elegantly approaching… [heartbeat begins] [heartbeat faster] zero. [HUGE CINEMATIC IMPACT] [COMPLETE SILENCE] [Bridge: intimate spoken word, almost whispered] Perhaps boredom is not the absence of events. [SFX: distant clock] Perhaps it is the moment when consciousness is left entirely alone with itself [reverb slowly increasing] and discovers, with some horror, that it too has absolutely nothing interesting to say. [LONG SILENCE] [SFX: faint electrical hum] … No. [record scratch] It’s just fucking boring. [DROP: absurdly dramatic orchestral hit] [Outro: completely dry vocal] The clock hand moved. [SFX: extremely loud single clock tick] TICK. [5 seconds silence] So there it is. [low cinematic rumble begins] An event. [rumble grows] … [LOUD, MANIACAL LAUGHTER WITH HUGE HALL REVERB] HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! [SFX: distant thunder, music becoming increasingly distorted] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [LAUGHTER GETS LOUDER, MULTIPLE ECHOING VOICES] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [SFX: clock ticking insanely fast] TICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICK! [GLITCH OVERLOAD] [ALL INSTRUMENTS COLLAPSE INTO DISTORTION] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [ABRUPT CUT TO COMPLETE SILENCE] [2 seconds silence] [SFX: one final quiet clock tick] …tick. [END]
