Unionize the Elves!

[Verse 1] Way up North where the sleigh bells jingle, Two elves got fed up with old Kris Kringle. Leroy said, “Man, I’m workin’ through my back pain— Tappin’ toy drums in a candy cane chain.” Puckett wiped sweat from his tiny brow, Said, “I ain’t had a break since the spring thaw now!” They looked at the line, stretchin’ out the door, Said, “Santa, we ain’t doin’ this no more!” [Chorus] – (Call and response) 🎶 Unionize the elves! (Say what?) Unionize the elves! (Ho-ho-WHAT?) Put down the hammer, stop the shelf! No pension, no toys on the belt! 🎶 🎶 Unionize the elves! (Tell it!) Unionize the elves! (Solidarity!) From the breakroom to the bells, We demand our jingle-well! 🎶 [Verse 2] They made a list, and checked it twice, Asked for heat, a raise, and dental’s nice. No more silent nights in unpaid overtime, These pointy-shoe brothers said “Now’s the time!” Mrs. Claus came out with some cocoa to bribe, But the elves had already formed a vibe. Even the reindeer marched in the snow, Chantin’ “Reindeer Rights! Let Rudolph go!” [Bridge – Spoken like a union rally preacher over music] “Now we love Santa — don’t get us wrong. But just cause you jolly don’t mean you right. It’s 1973 — and elves got needs!” “No justice — no jingle!” “No contract — no cookies!” [Verse 3] So Santa came down from his big red chair, Saw a picket line and signs in the air. “Leroy, Puckett — can’t we make a deal?” They said, “Let’s talk when you keep it real!” So now the elves get holiday pay, Shorter hours and a toy-free May. They got goggles, gloves, and new work smocks— And Santa’s workshop got a union shop! [Final Chorus – Full Funk Band + Choir] 🎶 Unionize the elves! (Sing it loud!) Unionize the elves! (Make us proud!) Don’t need sleigh bells on the shelf, Til we got respect for the elves! 🎶 🎶 So here’s to Leroy, here’s to Puckett, Two bold elves who said “Man, chuck it!” Now the North Pole's fair and swell— Thanks to the brothers who rang that bell!