Who Put The Moon In My Soup?

[Intro – Spoken, suspicious whisper] Okay, listen up... The pigeons are watching. My toaster knows my name. And somebody moved my left shoe again. I'm not saying it's aliens... But the cheese is acting strange. [Verse 1] Woke up Tuesday, lost my sock, Found a tiny wizard in my clock. Coffee's cold, but the spoon's on fire, My houseplant's starting a union choir. The neighbor's cat wears a tiny crown, Says the world's gonna turn upside down. My fridge keeps humming the same old tune, And somebody's been stealing pieces of the moon! [Pre-Chorus] Who put glitter in the rain? Who's been switching all the street signs' names? Why's my shadow two steps late? And who's been teaching all the fish to skate? [Chorus – Big, catchy, everybody sings] Who put the moon in my soup? Who's got the chickens in cahoots? Why's my bathtub full of frogs? Who's been putting hats on dogs? Is it aliens? Is it gnomes? Is there a dragon living in my phone? Don't know nothing, can't prove a thing, But my microwave just learned to sing! Hey! Hey! What do you know? There's a secret in the garden hose! Hey! Hey! Don't ask why! The man in the clouds just winked one eye! [Verse 2] Every Monday, my keys disappear, Turn up in the freezer next to my beer. The traffic light turns purple at three, Then whispers, "The truth will set you free." My GPS says, "Take a left at Mars," My mailbox keeps receiving postcards from stars. The moon's made of cheese? Well, maybe it's Brie, And the squirrels run a bank beneath tree number three! [Pre-Chorus 2] Who put the government in my pie? Why's the sun wearing a fake mustache disguise? Did Bigfoot borrow my garden rake? And who's been teaching my goldfish to bake? [Chorus] Who put the moon in my soup? Who's got the chickens in cahoots? Why's my bathtub full of frogs? Who's been putting hats on dogs? Is it aliens? Is it gnomes? Is there a dragon living in my phone? Don't know nothing, can't prove a thing, But my microwave just learned to sing! Hey! Hey! What do you know? There's a secret in the garden hose! Hey! Hey! Don't ask why! The man in the clouds just winked one eye! [Verse 3 – Faster, increasingly ridiculous] I heard a rumor from a talking chair, That mermaids own the electric air. The clouds are sheep from another dimension, And the moon landing's run by a pension. My dentist says the stars are spies, My uncle's lawnmower tells him lies. The floorboards squeak in Morse code beats, And the postman moonwalks down my street! The clocks all tick but they don't agree, My birthday cake just predicted me! A frog in a suit said, "Buy more cheese!" Then flew to Saturn on a swarm of bees! [Bridge – Beat drops, whispered conspiracy] Now wait a minute... Who keeps moving the furniture? Who keeps changing the weather? Why does my dog stare at the wall Like he knows who built the universe? And why... Does my toaster have Wi-Fi? [Spoken, dramatic] I knew it. The bread was in on it. [Build-up – Claps, rising vocals] There's a portal in the pantry! There's a wizard in the sink! There's a tiny little alien Who's been tampering with my drink! There's a map beneath the carpet! There's a password in my shoe! And the only one who knows the truth... Is my goldfish named Steve! [Final Chorus – Huge, joyful, gang vocals] Who put the moon in my soup? Who's got the chickens in cahoots? Why's my bathtub full of frogs? Who's been putting hats on dogs? Is it aliens? Is it gnomes? Is there a dragon living in my phone? Don't know nothing, can't prove a thing, But my microwave just learned to sing! Hey! Hey! What do you know? There's a secret in the garden hose! Hey! Hey! Don't ask why! The man in the clouds just winked one eye! Who put the moon in my soup? Who put the moon in my soup? I don't know, but the spoon's in cahoots! [Outro – Music stops, awkward silence] (Whispered) Steve says the government is made of cheese. (Pause) And honestly... I've seen enough. [One final kazoo note]