My Friend’s Weed [Intro] Slooow down... [Verse 1] I thought it was chill — just chips and TV He said, “One hit, bro, you'll be fine — trust me” I hit it once, then my vision bent And suddenly I was inside my tent The floor was melting into a grin I tried to pet the fan — it bit my chin I waved at the clock — it flipped me off And the fridge just laughed with a Russian cough [Pre-Chorus] What the hell is this strain called? Why’s the cat quoting Nietzsche from the hall? I should’ve brought holy water, or socks To fight off the furniture fox [Chorus] My friend’s weed? That stuff’s insane Had me breakdancing inside my brain Told a shoe it was “The One” Fought a plant in the yard like it owed me money I saw God… and He looked like Steve And He told me, “Bro, you better leave” My friend’s weed — not mild That joint had a parent-teacher file [Verse 2] I tried to text but my phone was soup Started preaching truth to a Fruit Loop troop My left hand kept asking deep questions Like “What if giraffes are just sky extensions?” The mirror said “You’re not doing great” So I whispered back, “Debate me, mate” I wrote a screenplay in my brain Called: The Dishwasher That Felt Pain [Pre-Chorus] Why’s my leg speaking French to a chair? Did I just become the mayor of air? I blinked — then boom, I was 84 And married to a vase I adore [Chorus] My friend’s weed rewired time Had me DJing to a pantomime I asked Siri for God — she ghosted Now I think I’ve been microdosed-ed I saw space collapse into tea And my couch gave a TED Talk on me My friend’s weed? Too real, too wild I woke up spooning a garden tile [Bridge – Spoken] Bro… I became a light switch. And when I flipped myself off, I… understood my parents. [Final Chorus – Extended] My friend’s weed ain't for humans Had me wrestling a ghost with some noodles Told my boss he was made of bees Then got baptized by the family trees It’s not just strong — it’s spiritually loud Had me moonwalking on a thundercloud My friend’s weed? Divine and cursed Pretty sure I met the multiverse [Outro – Whispered] Shooould’ve said noooo... “Why does the toaster look disappointed in me…?”
