🎸 BODY'S HERE, BRAIN'S ON HOLIDAY! Genre: British Comedy Rock / Pub Rock / Punky Alternative Rock [Intro — Spoken in a thick British accent] Oh, bloody hell… It’s morning again. Who’s that woman in my bed? Oh, right… that’s me girlfriend. And who the bloody hell am I?! [Verse 1] Wake up in the morning with a cobweb in me head, Staring at the ceiling like I’m medically dead. My woman’s lying next to me, she’s asking, “Are you fine?” I’m physically in the bedroom, but mentally online… nowhere! I’ve got two feet on the carpet, got me arse upon the chair, But the bloke who’s meant to live in me? I’ve got no clue if he’s there! She says, “Darling, say something!” I say, “Give us half a tick… I’m trying to find me brain, love— It’s gone out for a cig!” [CHORUS — BIG, LOUD, RIDICULOUS] 🎶 BODY’S HERE! BRAIN’S ON HOLIDAY! Got no bloody clue what day it is today! My woman’s right beside me, but I’ve mentally moved away! I’m a walking, talking sofa with absolutely nowt to say! BODY’S HERE! BRAIN’S ON STRIKE! Can somebody tell me who I am tonight?! She says, “I love you, darling!” I say, “That’s lovely… who am I?!” OI! OI! OI! MY BODY’S HOME, BUT MY BRAIN’S GOT OTHER PLANS TONIGHT! [Verse 2] She says, “Remember dinner?” I say, “Which one, me dear?” She says, “The one we ate together!” I say, “I wasn’t bloody here!” I’m nodding like a dashboard dog, pretending that I know, While my last remaining brain cell’s doing laps around me toe. She says, “You’ve been staring at that wall for twenty minutes straight!” I say, “I’m having deep thoughts, love!” She says, “You’re looking at a plate!” I try to make a clever joke, but words have gone astray… I opened up me mouth to speak— A tumbleweed rolled away! [CHORUS — BIGGER, WITH FEMALE BACKING VOCALS] 🎶 BODY’S HERE! BRAIN’S ON HOLIDAY! Got no bloody clue what day it is today! My woman’s right beside me, but I’m miles and miles away! I’ve got premium confusion on a free-trial every day! [Bridge — Quiet, dramatic piano, then sudden drums] Perhaps I need a holiday… Perhaps I need some sleep… Perhaps my brain’s in Manchester And I’ve lost the bloody receipt! My woman takes me by the hand, says, “Love, come back to me.” I say, “I’m trying, darling… But there’s a queue inside me!” [Final Chorus — Full Band, Gang Vocals, Maximum Chaos] BODY’S HERE! BRAIN’S ON HOLIDAY! Tell the missing grey matter it’s got rent to pay! My woman’s shouting, “LOVE! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!” I shout, “OF COURSE I AM!” Then ask, “WHO’S THAT ON THE TELLY?!” BODY’S HERE! BRAIN’S GONE MISSING! I’m standing in the kitchen and the kettle’s reminiscing! I came in here for something… Now I’ve forgotten what it was! OI! OI! OI! **I’M A MAN WITH NO INSTRUCTIONS AND A HEAD FULL OF BECAUSE! [Outro — Spoken, completely deadpan] She says, “Darling… do you even know you’re alive?” I says… “Hang on, love. I’ll have to check with me brain.” [One final drum hit. Silence.]
