[Verse 1] I told the mayor, “You’re a vision of porpoise,” He blinked twice, then thanked me for being enormous. I meant “purpose”—my tongue took a scenic detour, Now I’m booked to unveil the new aquarium door. [Pre-Chorus] I try to sound graceful, precise, and urbane, But words leave the station on the wrong little train. [Chorus] I’ve got a gift for the almost-right phrase, A verbal banana peel, a linguistic craze. I reach for the thought and it slips out askew— A malapropism, dressed up brand-new! [Verse 2] At dinner I toasted, “To your vast repertoire!” Then called the dessert “a delicious memoir.” The chef said, “That’s lovely,” and served me a slice; I said, “It’s quite scrumptious—though slightly concise.” [Pre-Chorus] My meaning’s well-mannered, my wording’s a mess, I’m dressed for success in a suit of excess. [Chorus] I’ve got a gift for the almost-right phrase, A verbal banana peel, a linguistic craze. I reach for the thought and it slips out askew— A malapropism, dressed up brand-new! [Bridge] I asked for a ladder to climb up the ladder, Then praised the pianist for playing much louder. I called my good friend a “remarkable mammal”— She laughed till her tea made a small diagonal. [Final Chorus] I’ve got a gift for the almost-right phrase, A verbal banana peel, a linguistic craze. If language takes turns that I never quite knew, I’ll stumble with style—and invite you there too! [Outro] I meant “that was perfect”—I said “that was purple.” Please take my applause; it’s remarkably verbal.
