[Intro – Children chant, then abrupt blast beat] Hi Mister Happy Pants! Hi Mister Happy Pants! Hi Mister Happy— [Record scratch / demonic voice] —PANTS. [Verse I – Fast, barked vocals] Welcome kids, to the party zone Balloon animals — BONE BY BONE I live in a house, small and cheap Made of felt and human sleep I’m shy! I’m kind! I’m four-thousand-years-behind! [Pre-Chorus – Gang shouts] SAY HI SAY HI TO THE THING THAT SHOULD NOT BE [Chorus – Catchy, stupid, loud] MISTER! HAPPY! PANTS! CLAP YOUR HANDS FOR DARK ROMANCE SOCK PUPPET GOD, LOW BUDGET HELL PARTY MAGIC — GO TO HELL MISTER! HAPPY! PANTS! EVIL MADE OF ARTS AND CRAFTS FELT SOFT, VOICE FROM ABYSS KIDS LOVE THIS — PARENTS PISSED [Spoken – Cheerful magician voice] Now kids, Mister Happy Pants is gonna do a real magic trick! [Demonic interrupt] I REQUIRE A VICTIM …politely. [Verse II – Punk rhythm] Raven steps up, name too cool Already doomed — kindergarten rule Needle out, thread is long This feels wrong BUT SOUNDS LIKE FUN Do you feel flesh? YES OR NO (answer correctly, start the show) [Breakdown – Call & response] DO YOU FEEL FLESH? (CROWD) YEAH! DO YOU FEEL FEAR? (CROWD) YEAH! DO YOU WANT A T-SHIRT? (CROWD) YEAH! [Chorus – Faster, dumber] MISTER! HAPPY! PANTS! BIRTHDAY CLOWN OF ARMAGEDDON NO BLOOD, JUST VIBES AND THREAD SOCK POSSESSED — PAST BEDTIME MISTER! HAPPY! PANTS! WHO CLAPS FOR EVIL? (KIDS) WE DO! CULT FORMED BY ACCIDENT PARENTS THINK IT’S PUPPET SHIT [Bridge – Half-time, chanty] Hands up high Bow real low Felt god runs the after-show Cake is cut Reality bends This bit went WAY TOO FAR, MY FRIENDS [Final Chorus – Chaos rave] MISTER! HAPPY! PANTS! BLACK METAL FOR AGES SIX BLAST BEATS, JUICE BOX, SATANIC FUN THIS PARTY CAN’T BE UNDONE MISTER! HAPPY! PANTS! EVIL BUT WITH CONSENT ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR THE ELDRITCH FELT EVENT [Outro – Children chanting, fading distortion] Happy… Happy… Happy… [Demonic whisper] Who’s clapping for evil now?
