Drive up to the lake Me and my girl With the ones who gave her life Hour drive, not far Just a stupid curvy road Ma staring at the Bruins Wants to pet Yogi NOPE NOPE NOPE Finally, see the sign Said Pa, turn here Not sure why I told him He can read Fuckin' stupid Alright, twenty minutes We should be there Next turn, green sign Says turn Don't say anything And he didn't turn So I asked him why He didn't turn He asked me why I didn't tell him Fuck my life We turn, I say When to turn Where is my lettuce Where is my lettuce At the boat launch Where is my lettuce Where is my lettuce I need one sane thing (Where is my lettuce) Bumpy, curvy Stupid fuckin' road Forty-five minute drive Turns ninety minutes There she is The boat launch Where the fuck is my lettuce Great, now we wait For these northern hillbillies To get the boat on water Ma and Pa with me And my girl watching Waitin' Buddy says, hey buddy One in the truck One in the Tin-Can Yeah, and the stupid begins Buddy on the scrap Screaming go Buddy in the truck Hits the gas Spins the truck around Slam brakes Reverse, hits the gas And down that boat ramp thingy NOPE NOPE NOPE Boat shoots off The Tin-Can mover thingy In the water Skippy hits the gas Tin-Can moves Where is my lettuce Where is my lettuce At the boat launch Where is my lettuce Where is my lettuce I need one sane thing (Where is my lettuce) Tippy pulls the mover thingy up Out, out the truck Hey, look Skippy Screaming, Tippy asking what Oh Skippy Plugs not in the boat Skippy comes back around Fool screaming, jump in And Tippy jumps in NOPE NOPE NOPE Skippy and Tippy come grab The girl, the dog, and the tall boys Pa says, what was that That was fuckin' stupid Kinda funny though Where is my lettuce Where is my lettuce Laughing at the launch Where is my lettuce Where is my lettuce That whole mess was fake (Where is my lettuce) Where is my lettuce Where is my lettuce I mean really, where?
