The Greatest Song (Couldn't Be Fucked) [Intro — spoken, conspiratorial] It was a Tuesday night... We had two beers left and the universe... opened up. [Act I — The Vision] [Verse 1] It came to me like a bolt from the gods Like Lennon and Jagger combined A melody so pure it rewrote the laws Of space and time and the human mind I heard the angels, I heard the drums I heard a guitar lick that should be illegal Every word was perfect, every note was right It was going to unite every single people [Pre-Chorus] I said babe, write this down She said you write it down I said I'll remember it (I did not remember it) [Chorus — huge, anthemic] It was the greatest song in the history of the world And I couldn't be fucked to write it down It would've made us legends, it would've changed the world But I couldn't be fucked to write it down COULDN'T BE FUCKED COULDN'T BE FUCKED The greatest song ever made Is lost forever now Because I couldn't be fucked to write it down [Act II — The Descent] [Verse 2] I woke up at 3am, grabbed my phone Tried to hum the melody back But all I got was something that sounded like The Macarena mixed with Creed I called my mate, said does this ring a bell? (hums something pathetic) He said that sounds like a ringtone from 2004 I said NO — it was BETTER than that [Pre-Chorus 2] I tried to reconstruct it I tried to hum it backwards I tried meditating I tried NOT thinking about it (that made it worse) [Chorus] It was the greatest song in the history of the world And I couldn't be fucked to write it down... [Act III — The Reckoning] [Bridge — operatic, unhinged, building] Somewhere out there in the cosmos That song is still floating around Waiting for some other bastard To be bothered to write it down Maybe Springsteen will find it Maybe Beyoncé will steal it Maybe it'll end up in a Woolworths ad THAT WOULD KILL ME [Spoken word breakdown — dead serious] And I want you to know... That song would have ended wars. It would have cured loneliness. It would have made your dad finally say he's proud of you. It was THAT good. And I was lying on the couch. And the notepad was... ...allllll the way over there. [Final Chorus — full stadium, unhinged energy] It was the greatest song in the history of the world AND I COULDN'T BE FUCKED TO WRITE IT DOWN It would've made us legends, it would've saved the world BUT I COULDN'T BE FUCKED TO WRITE IT DOWN COULDN'T BE FUCKED COULDN'T BE FUCKED (COULDN'T BE FUCKED) The greatest song that never was Is gone without a sound Because I... Couldn't... Be... fucked. [Outro — quiet, defeated, one acoustic strum] (whispered) ...it was better than Bohemian Rhapsody.
