This morning I met my shadow Before the night released my eyes Awake before I ever slept Too full of thoughts, too dry to cry I spent the dark with heavy wishes Circling softly in my head Not sharp enough to call them violent Not kind enough to leave unsaid I thought of you around my silence Of your voice against my name Saying, "please, don't disappear" While your body called the same Let me stay gone, but stay with you Not as a ghost, not as a wound Make me a hymn beneath your ribs The last small warmth your body keeps Let me stay gone! I am so tired of being mine Of waking up outside your light Let me stay gone, but stay with you Let me become what lives in you Stay gone, stay with you Warm dark, breathing through you You are the ache and you are shelter You are the bruise and where I rest Every kiss becomes a question Every breath becomes a test If love was meant to make me stronger Why do I bend when you are near? Why does the thought of being taken Feel less like death and more like here? Come where the sorrow cannot follow Come where your name will not decay If you must fall beyond tomorrow Fall into me and stay Let me stay gone, but stay with you Not as a ghost, not as a wound Make me a hymn beneath your ribs The last small warmth your body keeps Let me stay gone! I am so tired of being mine Of waking up outside your light Let me stay gone, but stay with you Let me become what lives in you I don't want to leave you grieving I don't want to make you bleed I just want to stop returning To a self that cannot breathe Hold me past the shape of sorrow Past the door I can't undo If I cannot meet tomorrow Let tomorrow wake in you Take what hurts Take what stays Take the night I couldn't name Close me in Keep me warm Make my ending change its form Not abandoned Not erased Held in darkness Given shape Let me stay gone, but stay with you Not as a ghost, not as a wound Make me a hymn beneath your ribs The last small warmth your body keeps Let me stay gone! I am so tired of being mine Of waking up outside your light Let me stay gone, but stay with you Let me become what lives in you Let me stay gone, but stay with you Not lost, not dead, not torn in two Let me stay gone, but stay with you A secret soul your body knew This morning I met my shadow It looked at me and wore your face I did not ask it for an ending Only for another place
