[Verse 1 – softly, melodramatically] I got up at 4 A.M. Put on my shoes that smell like DEATH again. Drank some lukewarm pre-race sludge, Stood in a port-a-potty line like I held a grudge. [spoken, deadpan] ...There were seventeen people in front of me. And ONE toilet. The sign said “sanitized”... [shouts] BUT THAT WAS A LIE! [Verse 2 – building intensity] I chafed in places I won't name, My toenails might be gone forever, who’s to blame?! I ran through wind, I ran through rain, I even smiled through existential pain. [Chorus – full emotional meltdown] AND ALL THIS FOR A BANANA?!? A mushy, spotted, half-warm banana?! I gave you my weekend, my soul, my spleen — AND ALL I GOT WAS A COTTON TEE AND A DISCOUNT STORE MEDAL THAT SAYS “13 POINT 1”!!! OHHHH WHYYYYYYYYYY!?! [Bridge – overly dramatic ballad section] They said it’d be “fun”… They said I’d feel “strong”… But I’ve been rethinking my life Since mile six point TWO GONE WRONG! I saw a guy dressed like Pikachu Run straight past me like it was NOTHING to do. A grandma beat me! A stroller passed me! Someone in CROCS totally lapped me! [Chorus – louder, more chaotic] AND ALL THIS FOR A BANANA?!?! A soggy, bruised, room-temp banana?!?! I trained for months, I changed my diet — FOR ONE YELLOW SLIVER OF POST-RACE RIOT!!! [Spoken interlude – calm, almost sweetly resigned] You know what… I don’t even like bananas. They’re weird. Too clingy… Like cling-wrap fruit. [Final Chorus – epic scream with guitar riff] ALL THIS FOR A BANANAAAA?!?!?! Not even a smoothie or a freakin' PANNA COTTA?! Just this yellow regret… this fruit of betrayal… I want my dignity back… AND A FLAKY CROISSANT!!! [Outro – soft piano, whispering] But I guess… I’ll sign up again next year… Because the shirt and medal does kinda slap.
