They Say It Was Instant — I Don’t Care!

[intro – spoken, almost whispered, breath audible] They keep saying it like it’s supposed to help. Like speed makes it mercy. [verse 1 – spoken, cracked, intimate] They say it was instant Like that erases the violence Like milliseconds don’t still count as terror Like his body didn’t know something was wrong They say he didn’t suffer But he still died alone In noise In force In a moment that didn’t ask permission You don’t get to soften this for me You don’t get to round the edges My brother didn’t fade out He was taken [build – low bass swell, voice tightening] Instant doesn’t mean gentle Instant doesn’t mean fair Instant just means I never got a chance [chorus – spoken, heavy, bleeding through voice] They say it was instant — I don’t care He was alive And then he wasn’t And that gap is where my life broke They say it was instant — I don’t care Fast enough to steal goodbye Slow enough to haunt every second after [verse 2 – spoken, angrier, sharper consonants] They talk in medical words Impact Trauma Time of death Like language can disinfect what happened Like if they explain it clean enough I’ll stop seeing it messy But my mind doesn’t speak clinical It speaks screams without sound Metal without mercy A body losing its future They say it spared him pain What about the pain it gave me What about the lifetime sentence Handed to everyone who loved him [bridge – stripped, almost no beat] I imagine the fraction of a second Where his body knew Where instinct kicked in Where fear said his name before anyone else could And that thought ruins me Every time [chorus – spoken, deeper, voice breaking] They say it was instant — I don’t care Love didn’t get a second to intervene Memory didn’t get time to form a goodbye They say it was instant — I don’t care Because instant is still enough To end everything [verse 3 – spoken, slower, devastated honesty] I hate that my comfort depends on timing I hate that people look relieved When they say “he didn’t feel it” I feel it Every day In waves that don’t ask how fast it happened I feel it when his name catches me off guard When my phone stays quiet When my chest tightens for no reason And I know exactly why [build – low rumble, breath trembling] If it was instant Why does it last forever [final chorus – spoken, raw, nearly collapsing] They say it was instant — I don’t care I would’ve taken his pain If it meant one more second They say it was instant — I don’t care Because nothing about this feels quick Nothing about this feels over [outro – spoken, barely holding together] Say it again if it helps you sleep. Just don’t expect it To save me.