[Intro – Spoken, glitchy voice effect] You’re on mute. No, YOU’RE on mute. The Zoom Life… chose me... [Verse 1] Woke up at 8:59, still in my bed, Shirt and blazer, but pajama pants instead. Camera ON, didn’t know – thanks, surprise! Now everyone’s seen my sleepy eyes. Got 10 tabs open, don’t know where I’m at, Screen froze mid-sip, now I look like a cat. Trying to share screen, clicked the wrong thing, Oops! Here’s my shopping cart and wedding ring. [Pre-Chorus] Boss says, “We can’t hear you, dear,” Mic's on strike or in the rear. Connection's bad, it’s not just me – Even WiFi has anxiety! [Chorus – Funky beat drop] I didn’t choose the Zoom life – The Zoom life chose me! Can’t tell if I’m thriving Or buffering emotionally. Send help or coffee, Or maybe both with glee – I didn’t choose the Zoom life... The Zoom life chose me! [Verse 2] Used a background of a beach in Peru, But it glitched, and I merged with my shampoo. Typed “BRB,” ran to pee, Forgot I left my mic on... awkwardly. My cat walked by, then knocked down the light, Turned into a ghost mid-pitch last night. Someone said, “Let’s circle back,” I just nodded while snacking on a Big Mac. [Bridge – Dramatic & soulful] Do I live in this call, or just exist? Did I blink once or ten times, I missed… Small talk hell, “Let’s take this offline…” Just send a meme – I’ll reply with a sign. [Final Chorus – Build it UP] I didn’t choose the Zoom life – The Zoom life chose me! I’ve turned into pixels, Please just set me free. I miss watercoolers, And pants that people see – But for now, I’m surviving... With Zoom and herbal tea! [Outro – Auto-tuned echo with ding sounds] “You’re still sharing your screen…” “Wait… where’d everyone go?” ...End meeting for all.
