[Cold Open / Hook — voice alone, close mic] You were the worst thing I survived And I still miss you sometimes How fucked up is that? How sick is my mind? I got out alive But I don’t feel free ’Cause the worst thing that happened Still looks like you loving me [Verse 1 — fragile clean guitar enters] I kept your name in my mouth Like a prayer I hated Kept making you holy While you kept me sedated You’d disappear for hours Then come back cold And I’d thank you for touching me Like I wasn’t alone I used to be softer I used to sleep fine Now I flinch at forever Like it’s your hand reaching mine [Pre-Chorus — drums creep in] And I hate that I miss you I hate that I do I hate that the damage Still feels shaped like you [Chorus — guitars explode wide] You were the worst thing I survived The fire I called home The hand around my throat That I begged not to let go Fuck you for the nights I thought dying was love Fuck you for making me feel Like I was never enough You were the worst thing I survived But God, I tried I loved you so hard I almost let me die [Verse 2 — drop back, bitter and intimate] You told them I was broken Like you didn’t know why Like you didn’t build the room Where I learned how to hide I kept shrinking my anger Till it fit in my chest Then you called me dramatic When it burned through my ribs Now peace feels suspicious And kindness feels planned I don’t know how to be held Without checking the hands [Pre-Chorus 2 — rising] And I hate that I saved you In every version I tell Like I wasn’t your lover I was furniture in hell [Chorus — bigger, vocals cracking] You were the worst thing I survived The fire I called home The hand around my throat That I begged not to let go Fuck you for the nights I thought dying was love Fuck you for making me feel Like I was never enough You were the worst thing I survived But God, I tried I loved you so hard I almost let me die [Bridge — half-time, almost whispered] I hope one day it hits you Not soft, not clean I hope you see my face In every quiet thing I hope your hands shake When someone says my name I hope you finally understand You were not the same as pain You were worse You looked like home You sounded like sorry Then left me alone [Breakdown — heavy bass, drums, guitars swelling] Don’t call me bitter Call me awake Don’t call me damaged Call me escaped Don’t say I changed Like you don’t know why You taught me to vanish Then hated goodbye Don’t call it love Don’t call it fate You were the lesson I survived too late [Final Chorus — huge shoegaze wall, full emotional release] You were the worst thing I survived The fire I called home The hand around my throat That I begged not to let go Fuck you for the nights I thought dying was love Fuck you for making me feel Like I was never enough You were the worst thing I survived But God, I tried I loved you so hard I almost let me die You were the worst thing I survived And I still miss you sometimes How fucked up is that? How sick is my mind? [Outro — stripped, voice breaking] I got out alive But I don’t feel free ’Cause the worst thing that happened Still looks like you loving me.
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