[Intro] Cars became robots. Jets became robots. Dinosaurs did too. And every week brought something new. [Verse 1] Optimus rolled in as a semi. Starscream tore across the sky. Bumblebee was small but fearless. Every kid could tell you why. Autobots fought Decepticons. Cybertron came through our door. Every week they showed another. Every week we wanted more. [Pre-Chorus] See it. Want it. Watch it change. Fold the wings. Flip the frame. Thirty minutes selling plastic. And we gladly played their game. [Chorus] ROBOTS SOLD Separately! Pick a side and start the war! ROBOTS SOLD Separately! Get one, then you need four more! Cars and jets across the carpet. Plastic armies by the score. Yeah, the whole damn show sold toys. AND WE FUCKING WANTED MORE! [Verse 2] Starscream was a fighter jet. That made perfect sense to me. Soundwave looked like certain death. Then turned into a stereo. Still somehow the guy was badass. Still somehow he brought the fear. Then his chest popped open wide. And MORE FUCKING ROBOTS appeared! Laserbeak went flying high. Ravage landed on the floor. They put toys inside the toy. Those bastards knew we'd beg for more! [Chorus] ROBOTS SOLD Separately! Pick a side and start the war! ROBOTS SOLD Separately! Soundwave came with even more! Robot birds and robot panthers. Plastic armies by the score. Buy yourself one Transformer. Then discover three more! [Verse 3] Then there was Megatron. The tyrant everybody feared. Surely he'd become a tank. And make the Autobots disappear. Maybe some enormous cannon. Maybe something built for war. Nope. He turned into a handgun. LIKE EVERYBODY FUCKING HAD BEFORE! Every robot had a blaster! Why the hell become a gun?! Worse, you need another robot Just to shoot at anyone! You're the leader! You're supreme! You're a walking war machine! That's not fucking transforming. That's delegating to your team! [Guitar Solo] [Bridge] Then the movie changed the game. Suddenly the stakes were real. Optimus could actually die. What the hell was this deal? Then a shadow filled the heavens. Bigger than we'd ever seen. A planet eating other planets. An apocalyptic machine. Unicron was fucking massive. And that voice came straight from Hell. Who'd they get to play this monster? Who could possibly do it well? Wait... You're telling me... That's... ORSON FUCKING WELLES?! [Final Chorus] ROBOTS SOLD Separately! Pick a side and start the war! ROBOTS SOLD Separately! We would always beg for more! Cars and jets across the carpet. Plastic armies by the score. Yeah, the whole damn show sold toys. AND WE FUCKING WANTED MORE! ROBOTS SOLD Separately! Best damn sales pitch ever made! We knew exactly what they sold us. And we'd buy them anyway! [Outro] A semi truck became a hero. A tape deck somehow became cool. Megatron became a handgun. That was fucking stupid. But we loved them all. And then a planet ate the universe... With the voice of... ORSON. FUCKING. WELLES.
