🎶 FESTIVUS CAROL: “The Airing of the Grievances (in G Major-ish)” 🎶 [Verse 1] Don’t deck the halls, just check your flaws, (flaw law law law law law law law laws) Skip Santa’s clause and social laws. (law law law law law law law law laws) No mistletoe, no sugar rush— Just bitter truth and gentle hush. We gather ‘round that silv’ry pole, To vent, repent, and lose control. [Chorus] Oh Festivus, O test of trust, The best and worst confessed of us. Air your beef, release your spleen, We’re sparkling clean in self-esteem! [Verse 2] You ghosted brunch, you hogged the fries, You humble-bragged with half-truth eyes. You said “Let’s vibe,” then changed the plan, You owe me twenty bucks, my man. My gift to you’s this grumpy grin— Now grab that pole, the bout begins! [Bridge – patter groove] No fa-la-la, no shopping sprees, No peppermint hypocrisy. Just gripe and groan in four-part tone, Till grievances are overthrown. A feat of strength? Don’t tempt me, bro— This holiday’s a TKO. [Chorus reprise] Oh Festivus, O test of trust, The annual catharsis bus. We’ll gripe and rhyme ‘til peace feels right, Then toast the pain with seltzer light. [Tag / Outro – mock sermon] Let grudges thaw and tempers mend, Let every feud find peaceful end. (Or at least until next year again— Amen, complain, and pin your friend.)
