My Phone Is at One Percent

[Intro Spoken] My phone is at one percent. My phone is bored. I put on a video of kittens. It played so hard it fell asleep on the floor. [Verse 1] My phone got bored without a warning. I put a video on, it started performing. It swiped and tapped and spun around... Then crashed. Shut down. Hit the ground. [Pre-chorus] I jumped the couch, I dodged the chair, I slid right under the table there. I reached the charger, but it was too late... My phone just couldn't wait. [Chorus] My phone is at one percent! Someone get a charger, quick! My phone is at one percent! The world is ending — this is it! [Verse 2] I called nine-one-one. Please help me now! Got a charger? My phone is going down. No, ma'am. But give me your location, I'll send a powerbank... and a priest, in case your search history needs confession. [Verse 3] I called nine-one-one. It's my best friend! No, ma'am. But tell me who you recommend, so the police can give them the news: today you won't be sending memes or views. [Verse 4] I called nine-one-one. My memories! No, ma'am. But give your TikTok please, so we can save the kitten clips before the darkness eats the pixels. [Chorus] My phone is at one percent! Someone get a charger, quick! My phone is at one percent! The world is ending — this is it! [Bridge Spoken] It died. Silence. No one called back. No one brought a charger. The world didn't end. But I'll never be the same. [Punch Line 1] The charger was in my pocket. The whole time. Yeah. I know. Don't judge me. [Punch Line 2] Tomorrow I'm calling nine-one-one. Not for a charger. To help me find my keys. Those are really gone. And if they can't find them... they're gonna have to send a locksmith. [Outro Spoken] My grandmother always said: Bit, the problem isn't the battery. It's what you do with the time you have left. [laughing] She was right. But I'm still calling nine-one-one tomorrow.