[Spoken word advisory with a rhythmic, percussive background. A dry, close-miked male voice delivers a monologue. The recording has a raw, intimate quality with minimal room ambience. The tempo is approximately 100 BPM.] [Intro] [rhythmic wooden tapping begins] [Verse 1] [dry male vocals] What you're about to hear Is based on a true story, factual. This is a warning because it can be very distressful and upsetting. This will upset toys across the world, animals, And all the toys in toy shops and children. This is an advisory before you listen further on. There's a man behind me being very irritating And I'm trying to do this advisory, But you've been advised. [Verse 2] [dry male vocals] Now before we continue, I need you to understand something important. None of this was planned. None of this was scripted. And absolutely none of this was approved By any responsible adult, toy manufacturer, Or woodland creature with common sense. I’m only here to warn you Because apparently no one else would. And the man behind me is still being annoying, Still breathing too loudly, Still distracting me from doing this properly. But we move on. [Verse 3] [dry male vocals] If you choose to listen further, That’s on you. You’ve had your advisory. You’ve had your warning. You’ve had me repeating myself While chaos unfolds behind me. So if you carry on, Just remember: You can’t say I didn’t tell you.
