The Singing Sheriff

[Intro | Spoken | Soft | Intimate] Guess what happened yesterday. I arrived at the western town. I don't know how to ride a horse. I don't know how to shoot. But I know how to sing. [crowd laughing] [Verse 1 | Soft | Narrative] A cowboy taught me how to use a rope. I threw it. I caught his hat. I threw it again. I caught myself. "That's not a lasso," he said. "It's a hug," I said. "It's kinder." [Pre-Chorus | Building | Strings Enter] He didn't know what to say to that. He just tipped his hat and smiled. [Chorus | Full | Epic | Drums Enter] I'm the one who sings I solve everything with songs my gaze is stronger than lead and my song is the fastest in the West [Verse 2 | Soft | Playful] A cowboy looked at me. I looked at him. He looked harder. I looked harder. I didn't blink. He did. I won the staring duel. But the duel was with guns. He said: "Stop! Duel at dawn!" I said: "Duel of what?" "Of guns," he said. "No, a duel of songs," I said. "It's prettier." He didn't know how to sing. He left with his head down. I won. [Pre-Chorus | Building | Tension Rises] He thought he'd win with lead and steel. But he didn't know the way I feel. [Chorus | Full | Epic] I'm the one who sings I solve everything with songs my gaze is stronger than lead and my song is the fastest in the West [Verse 3 | Soft | Intimate | No Drums] I walked into the bar. "Whiskey for her," said a cowboy. "Whiskey ain't my thing. Got any sweet tea? Or a smoothie, if you got one. With a straw." The cowboy laughed. I laughed. I got on the horse. I sat backwards. The horse stopped. He looked at me. "Don't look at me like that," I told him. "You're the one who's backwards, not me." [Pre-Chorus | Building | Strings Swell] The horse just sighed and rolled his eyes. I guess he knew I tell no lies. [Chorus | Full | Epic | Double Bass] I'm the one who sings I solve everything with songs my gaze is stronger than lead and my song is the fastest in the West [Verse 4 | Soft | Intimate | Sparse] The sheriff gave me a star. "You're the new sheriff," he said. "And the guns?" I asked. "You don't need them," he said. "You have songs." I thought: "Guns make noise, songs make friends." I left the bar to patrol. A thief was robbing the bank. I sang him a lullaby. He fell asleep on the floor. I put pink fluffy handcuffs on him. The town said: "She's the best sheriff." [Bridge | Spoken | Soft | Reflective] I thought: "The West needs more harmony." I made everyone dance. The cowboys did choreography. The town villain won a tap dance award. Now duels are karaoke. I said: "The West is safer this way." [Verse 5 | Soft | Gentle | Piano Only] The West is my home now. I have a star, a horse that hums along when I sing, and forty-two songs. They say the neighboring town is very dangerous. They need a choir to sing in duels. Tomorrow I'm going to audition all of them. Whoever fails will sing my repertoire. Forty-two songs. No breaks. Y'all better be ready. [Final Chorus | Epic | Full Orchestra | Climax] I'm the one who sings I solve everything with songs my gaze is stronger than lead and my song is the fastest in the West [Outro | Spoken | Playful | Laughing] If they don't accept me as a singing sheriff, I'll run for president. Congress meetings will be karaoke. Senators will sing duets. Debates will be tap dance. The loser sings a ballad. [laughing] [crowd cheering]